Brokenness-Quebrantado

NEW ADDRESS

2008-03-22T23:27:00.001-05:00

I have changed my blog to this address...see you There!!!

www.uncomplicatedspirituality.wordpress.com

Sweet Words-palabras dulces

2008-03-19T07:49:00.003-05:00

I received this e-mail today and it came to reaffirm God's call in our lives. As you know Paula and I just came back from visiting Mexico after 7 years of being serving in the USA. I visited my old church in my hometown; some people welcomed me with embracing loving arms, others were relatively indifferent. It was the first service and there were around 800 people in it. The worship band has many musicians and they have a big voice choir of 20 people. There were tambourine girls, flag boys and dancers; a whole world of joy and celebration. Sometimes Paula and I wonder why we haven't been able to have the same church one day we belonged...but then I remembered the way I relate to my pastor, I mean, there was no relationship whatsoever. Yes he was my pastor, but he never was my friend. I was not one of the 800 church-goers, Paula and I were part of the leadership of the church, youth and mission pastors to be specific. No relationship at all! No tears, no fears, no showing weaknesses...it was a flat spiritual relationship. Now I am in a small country town in Tennessee with a congregation not bigger than 50 people, with a group of 3 faithful musicians (worshipers) who have helped us sing to God every Sunday, no tambourines, no flags, and no dancers; but with a very strong sense of belonging, open to everybody who wants to embrace it. I cannot go back to what I once had, because I am enjoying this different intimacy with people, even though sometimes is slow, painful, and with no sense. Holy Week is not an easy week, is a week towards Golgotha. The words of this e-mail helped me to see beyond my own inadequacies and weaknesses. Here is part of the e-mail (I have left out the name of the author):

"I told her about Connection and what a great role model you are for our church. I hope you don't feel uncomfortable with my bragging on you. It’s just that some pastors aren't personable. They are figureheads, lovely figureheads, but just that. Miguel, you have an open heart. You have shown us your flaws and made clear that it is God we see shining through you. I hope you aren't embarrassed by what I tell you. I want you to know I think you are doing your job as a pastor, which is to show people to Christ. I shared with her one of your blogs (hope you don't mind), and showed her the book The Return of the Prodigal Son, and it was so easy just to talk to someone about these things. It didn't feel like preaching. It felt like sharing something special to me with a friend. I am so glad God gave me that opportunity tonight, to make a friend and share some things I love. Your friend, JR"


Recibí este correo electrónico el día de hoy y llego
para reafirmar el llamado de Dios a nuestras vidas. Como saben Paula y yo
acabamos de regresar de México después de haber estado sirviendo 7 años en los
Estados Unidos. Yo visite la iglesia la cual yo asistía, algunas personas me
recibieron con los brazos abiertos, otros fueron más indiferentes. Fui al
primer servicio y había alrededor de 800 personas. El grupo de alabanza tenía
muchos músicos y un coro de 20 personas aproximadamente. Había chicas con
panderos, chavos con banderas y un grupo de chicos bailando; un mundo lleno de
alegría y regocijo…A veces Paula y yo nos preguntamos porque no hemos podido
tener una congregación similar a la cual asistíamos en México…pero después me
acorde la forma en la que me relacionaba con mi pastor, en realidad, no había
ninguna relación. Claro, él era mi pastor, pero no fue mi amigo. Y déjenme
decirles que no éramos unas de las 800 personas, éramos parte del liderazgo ya
que servíamos como lideres de jóvenes y misiones. Ninguna relación, no lagrimas,
no miedos, ni siquiera mostrar nuestra debilidades…era una muy simple y vacía
relación espiritual. Ahora me encuentro en una pequeña ciudad de Tennessee con
una congregación de no mas de 50 personas, con un grupo de tres músicos que
fielmente nos han ayudado a cantarle a Dios todos los domingos; sin panderos,
sin banderas, ni bailarines, pero con un fuerte sentimiento de pertenencia
abierto a todos aquellos que quieran ser parte de ella. No puedo regresar a lo
que tenían antes porque estoy disfrutando esta nueva intimidad con la gente, a
pesar de que a veces es lento, doloroso y sin ningún sentido en lo absoluto. La
Semana Santa no es una semana fácil, es el camino a Gólgota. Las palabras de
este correo me ayudaron a ver más allá de mis propias debilidades e
imperfecciones. Este es parte de lo que recibí (no puse el nombre del autor por
respeto):

"Le dije acerca de Conexión y del buen ejemplo que tu eres para nuestra iglesia. Espero que no te sientas incomodo por estar presumiendo acerca de ti. Es solo que algunos pastores no son tan personales. Son solo figuras, bellas figuras, pero eso es todo. Miguel, tu tienes un corazón abierto. Nos ha mostrado tus debilidades y nos has mostrado que es Dios a quien vemos relucir a través de de tu vida. Espero no te avergüences de lo que te digo. Yo quiero que sepas que estas haciendo un buen trabajo como pastor, que es mostrar a Cristo a los demás. Le compartí a ella uno de tus comentarios en línea (espero que no te importe) y le enseñe el libro del Regreso del Hijo Prodigo, y me fue tan fácil compartir algo que era tan importante para mi a una amiga. Estoy bien contenta que Dios me dio la oportunidad esta noche de hacer una amiga y compartir de las cosas que quiero. Tu amiga, JR"

September 23, 2007

2008-03-17T12:42:00.003-05:00

This is an older post I wanted to share with you. I posted it on Uncomplicated Spirituality but it is really hard to maintain two blogs so I stopped writing on it. I will be changing the post over here so you can read them also.

After many years today the congregation we started was recognized as a “fellowship”. What exactly is that? I asked myself, I thought we were a Missional congregation. So I would like to ask: What is to be recognized as a fellowship? I though we were already a fellowship. May be I have never understood the meaning of fellowship. Have you? We have always tried to institutionalize everything we do. If we start something we want to call it “a ministry”. If we write a song, we want it to be copyright so we can tell the world it belongs to us. Now the church has many last names, some are communities, fellowships, churches, congregations, faith communities, etc. And depending on the last name is the way we act in our community. If we are a “Church” we are the religious one; if we are a “Community” we are the cool ones; if we are a “fellowship” we are the “I don’t know what is that but it sounds good” ones; if we are a “faith community” we are a group of people, does it really matter? I thought a person is what makes church not if we are fellowship, community, gathering. What if we can recognized as Messy People and have a certificate hang on the wall saying “……the blah, blah, blah Institution certifies on September 23rd that this group of people are officially recognized as Messy People trying to find God.” Isn’t this more important that to be recognized as wherever they want you to be? Please help me to understand why there are so many last names on the word Church….

Después de muchos años, la congregación que empezamos fue reconocida como una “comunidad”. ¿Qué significa exactamente eso?, yo pensé que nos había reconocido como una comunidad misional. Así que yo me pregunto, ¿Qué significa exactamente ser reconocido como comunidad? Pensé que ya éramos una comunidad. Posiblemente nunca he entendido el significado de comunidad. ¿Tú lo entiendes? Siempre hemos tratado de institucionalizar todo lo que hacemos. Si empezamos algo lo queremos llamar “ministerio”. Si escribimos una canción queremos registrarla para decirle a todo el mundo que es nuestra. La iglesia en si tiene muchos apellidos, algunos se dicen comunidades, congregaciones, iglesias, comunidades de fe, etc. Y dependiendo del apellido es la manera en la que actúan en la comunidad. Si somos una “iglesia”, entonces somos los religiosos. Si somos una “comunidad” somos los abiertos. Si somos una “comunidad de fe” somos un grupo de personas. ¿En verdad importa? Yo pensé que lo que hace a la iglesia es la gente no si somos una congregación, una comunidad, una reunión. ¿Qué tal si nos reconocemos como gente quebrantada y que podamos tener un certificado en la pared que diga, “La institución patito certifica que en Septiembre 23 este grupo de gente ha sido oficialmente reconocidos como gente quebrantada tratando de buscar a Dios”. ¿No creen que esto es más importante que ser reconocido como lo que quieran llamarte? Por favor ayúdenme a entender porque hay tantos apellidos en la palabra Iglesia….

Expectations-Expectativas

2008-03-17T11:44:00.002-05:00

"I am tired of the expectations of church-goers", I said this to a friend while having coffee. Today I am thinking not about the expectations of others, but my own. I have placed so many expectations to myself that sometimes I think I am the hardest and more tough of God's followers. I want to be successful, leave peaceful, be relevant and make an impact in the life of others. I think my expectations of myself make my life even harder because all of these are temptations that draw me away from what it should be my main goal and motivation: get deeper in Christ's love. But my humanity keep saying to me: "you are not doing enough", "you are not being successful", "you are not being relevant", "you are not making an impact on others".......my expectations are the ones I need to surrender and let God take care of the church-goers' expectations for me....because before I am a pastor, I am a human being, an imperfect and broken ragamuffin.

"Estoy cansado de las expectativas de los que van a las iglesias", esto se lo dije a un amigo mientras tomábamos café. Hoy, no estoy pensando en las expectativas de los demás, pero en las mias. He puesto muchas de éstas expectativas en mi mismo, que muchas veces pienso que yo soy el más duro y más díficil de los seguidores de Dios. Quiero ser exitoso, vivir en paz, ser relevante y ser ejemplo en la vida de otros. Creo que estas expectativas hacen que mi vida sea más complicada porque todas estas son tentaciones que me alejan de lo que debería ser mi principal meta y motivación: meterme más profundo en el amor de Cristo. Pero mi humanidad me sigue diciendo: "tu no estas siendo ejemplo a los demás. no estas haciendo suficiente, no estas teniendo éxito, no estas siendo relevante....mis expectativas son las que necesito rendir y dejar que Dios se encargue de los que van a las iglesias. Antes de ser pastor, soy un ser humano, un andrajoso imperfecto y quebrantado.

From Hosanna to crucify him- del hosana a crucifiquenlo

2008-03-16T21:15:00.003-05:00

When they placed the palm branches on the floor as a sign of worship to the king arriving to Jerusalem, I wonder if they truly knew what kind of king was Jesus. I think they were venerating the one that would change their status quo in the world they were living. They wanted a person who will give them power, significance and authority over their Roman rulers. They were expecting a “macho man”. Oh my gosh!! They truly glorified Him…then what happened a couple days after? What took them from “hosanna” to “crucify him”? What happened in between that made them change their minds? How soon the worship turned to disappointment? When Jesus was questioned, he answered: “my Kingdom is not from this world”. WHAT?? I have been following him for all these years and now he is saying that he is not the king I was expecting. Men’s expectations differ so much of what God’s plans are. Men’s expectations are based in (most of the time) selfish desires. In the desires that will give us the results we want. I want a king who will destroy my enemies, I want a king who will give me riches, I want a king who will be spectacular, and I want a king who will position me in higher places. To this king it will be very easy to sing: “Hosanna in the highest”. But what about the one powerless in the cross? The one who was beaten and humiliated?
This week we are remembering His passion and sacrifice, this week we are remembering his service and humility, his ultimate love for us. It was not what we were expecting; because we never thought about it. God’s plans are not the same as men’s expectations; His thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are His ways my ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts.”(Isaiah 55:8-9). I pray that we may sing “Hosanna in the highest” while He is being hanged at the cross. That we may see the power, the richness and the significance of being bought by a higher price. It is through His blood that I can be who He wants me to be: Miguel, his beloved son.

Cuando pusieron las palmas en el piso como una señal de adoración al rey que estaba llegando a Jerusalén, me pregunto si en verdad sabían que clase de rey era Jesús. Yo creo que estaban venerando al que cambiaría su estatus quo en el mundo en el cual vivían. Ellos querían a una persona que les diera poder, significado y autoridad sobre sus gobernantes los romanos. Esperaban a un “macho”. ¡que carambas! En verdad lo estaban glorificando….entonces ¿qué paso unos días después? ¿Qué los llevo del “hosanna” al “crucifíquenlo”? ¿Qué paso en ese periodo que los hizo cambiar? ¿Qué rápido la alabanza se convirtió en descepción? Cuando Jesús fue cuestionado, él contesto: “mi Reino no es de éste mundo” ¿QUÉ? Lo he estado siguiendo todos estos años y ahora me sale con que no es el rey que yo estaba esperando. Las expectativas de los hombres difieren mucho de los planes de Dios. Las expectativas de los hombres están basadas, la mayor parte del tiempo, en deseos egoístas. En los deseos que nos dan los resultados que queremos. Yo quiero un rey que destruya a mis enemigos, que me de riquezas, quiero un rey que sea espectacular y quiero a un rey que me ponga en lugares altos. A este rey se me hace muy fácil cantarle, “hosanna en las alturas”. ¿Pero que tal el que estaba en la cruz sin ningún poder? ¿o el que había sido golpeado y humillado?
Esta semana estamos recordando su pasión y sacrificio. Esta semana estamos recordando su servicio y humildad, su mayor acto de amor para con nosotros. No era lo que esperábamos; porque nunca lo habíamos pensado. Los planes de Dios, no son lo mismo que las expectativas de los hombres; Sus pensamientos no son mis pensamientos, tampoco Sus caminos mis caminos, así como el los cielos son mas altos que la tierra, así son Sus caminos más altos que mis caminos y Sus pensamientos más que mis pensamientos (Isaías 55:8-9) Mi oración es que podamos cantar “hosanna en las alturas” cuando él sea colgado en la cruz. Que podamos ver el poder, las riquezas y el significado de ser comprados por un precio muy alto. Es a través de sangre que yo puedo ser lo que él quiere que yo sea: Miguel, su hijo amado.

Connections-Conexiones

2008-03-11T16:34:00.004-05:00

Back from Mexico, back to reality. After a full week of intense encounters, family reunions, lots of wonderful food and great laughs, I am back into reality. We came back late Sunday night and on Monday I went to get Frida (she has grown a lot in 10 days) and to my 10 a.m. class at University. Adrenaline is gone, and the full weight of my emotional body has plunged into the deepest of my soul. uf!! Last week was just awesome!! After almost 7 years out of Mexico, coming back for the first time was excessively emotional. Last week was the week of "connections". I know, it sounds weird specially because our community is called Connection, but it is the only word that came out of my mind. I had connections with old friends from Junior High, connections with my family, specially with my nieces and nephews, and of course my mom and dad, connection with my nanny whom has been working at my parents house for more than 50 years, connection with friend from our church back at Leon, connections with Paula's family at Mexico City and a connection with a very good friend and the one who share with me this wonderful message of Christ' love and redemption. All these connections fill an emptiness built by years of being serving in another country away from what we love and care. Back at home… I wonder if this is really what I should do, or need to do, or want to do. I am thinking about the story of the woman who arrived where Jesus was gather and poured out a very expensive perfume at His feet. For many (the closest to Jesus) the actions of the woman was a waste of money, expending the most beautiful thing she own to be placed at the feet of Jesus. For Him was a preparation to the ultimate sacrifice. Are my time, desires, and life the most precious thing I own? Am I willing to break my alabaster to be poured out at His feet, even if this means to give up my time, desires and life...is people feeling indignant of my service to Him? I wonder how this woman felt when Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." (Math 26:6-13)

De regreso de México, de regreso a la realidad. Después de una semana completa de encuentros intensos, reuniones familiares, mucha comida bien rica, buenas carcajadas, estoy de regreso en la realidad. Regresamos en la noche del domingo y el lunes fui a recoger a Frida (que por cierto ha crecido mucho en 10 días), y a mi clase de las 10 de la mañana en la universidad. La adrenalina se ha ido, y el peso completo de las emociones en mi cuerpo se han golpeado en lo más profundo de mi alma. ¡Ijoles! La semana pasada fue ¡increíble! Después de casi 7 años de nuestra salida de México, y de regreso por primera vez, fue excesivamente emotivo. La semana pasada fue la semana de las “conexiones”. Yo se que suena un poco raro especialmente porque nuestra comunidad se llama “Conexión”, pero es la única palabra que se me ocurrió. Tuve conexiones con unos amigos de la secundaria del Lux, conexiones con mi familia, especialmente con mis sobrinos, y por supuesto con mis papás, conexiones con mi nana que lleva 50 años trabajando en casa con mis padres, conexiones con amigos de la iglesia la cual asistíamos en León, conexiones con la familia de Paula, y una conexión con un buen amigo quien fue el que me hablo por primera vez del amor de Cristo y su redención. Todas estas conexiones llenaron un vacio construido por muchos años de estar sirviendo en otro país lejos de lo que amamos. De regreso en casa…..me pregunto si esto es en realidad lo que debo hacer, o lo que necesito hacer, o lo que quiero hacer. Pienso en la historia de la mujer que llego donde estaba Jesús y derramo un perfume carísimo a Sus pies. Para muchos (y muchos de estos eran los mas cercanos a Jesús) lo que hizo esta mujer fue un desperdicio de dinero; gastar la cosa mas valiosa que ella poseía para ser derramada a los pies de Cristo. Para él fue la preparación para el más grande de los sacrificios. ¿Es acaso mi tiempo, mis deseos, y mi vida las cosas más valiosas que poseo? ¿Estoy dispuesto a quebrar mi alabastro para ser derramado en Sus pies aunque esto signifique el rendir mi tiempo, mis deseos y mi vida?.... ¿se sentirá la gente indignada de mi servicio a Él? Me pregunto que sintió esta mujer cuando Jesús dijo “Les aseguro que en cualquier parte del mundo donde se predique este evangelio, se contará también, en memoria de esta mujer, lo que ella hizo.” (Mateo 26:6-13)

Ecunemism- Ecuménico

2008-03-04T13:37:00.004-06:00

When I heard for the first time the word ecumenism I didn't have any idea about it because I never saw it in practice. I was educated in a Jesuit school but I was never taught about other faiths. According to wikipedia, Ecumenism" is derived from Greek oikoumene, which means "the inhabited world", but more figuratively something like "universal oneness." It was until I left Mexico while serving the United Methodist Church that I discovered what was the true meaning of this word. In Cookeville where I live my faith is part of the many active faiths of the thousands of people living in that small community.
We can put aside our differences and come to talk at the table as friends, as broken people willing to learn from others, willing to listen, willing to open our minds and hearts to the faith of my neighbored. I started to realize that I was a brother among the Catholics, the Baptist, the Methodist, the non-denominational, even to the ones who didn’t have any faith at all. But this is not happening in Mexico and my heart aches especially when I would like to be able to seat down with people and talk and share about the wonders of Christ.
As you know I write a lot about the Christ of my roots, that Christ is the one I was taught and fell in love when I was a teenager in the Jesuit school I was involved. That is why my heart aches of the division between Protestantism and Catholicism, my heart aches when as soon as you share with others your protestant faith many look at you like you are some kind of weird person. My heart aches when silence is part of the conversation instead of dialogue. When are we going to understand that Christ is the same at The Lord’s Table, and at the cross?

I came to Mexico with the expectations to encounter people willing to listen and may be learn from each other. To my surprise I saw a small beam of light, a new generation willing to dialogue. I was blessed to hear a young fellow (Jose Luis, my niece´s boyfriend) talk about His Christ and the life He represents in him. I was, for the first time since I became a protestant, talking to a Catholic (besides my mom), and the irony of all this is that we, both, are Christian, and Mexicans. For one moment we were in “the center of Christ’s Eucharistic in the middle of those who have trusted in Him” (Herny Nouwen). For one moment there was not difference between each other, for one moment we were practicing real ecumenism.

"I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings.Let us work together for unity and love."
--Mahatma Gandhi

Cuando escuche por primera vez la palabra ecumenismo no tenía la menor idea de lo que significaba porque nunca la había visto en práctica. Fui educado en una escuela Jesuita pero nunca fui enseñado acerca de otras creencias. Según Wikipedia, Ecumenismo deriva del Griego oikoumene, que significa “el mundo inhabitado”, pero con un sentido mas figurativo es “unidad universal”. Fue hasta que deje México mientras servía a la Iglesia Metodista Unida que descubrí el verdadero significado de ésta palabra. En Cookeville, donde vivo, mi fe es parte de muchas otras creencias activas de las miles de personas viviendo en esa comunidad. Podemos dejar a un lado nuestras diferencias y poder venir y hablar en la mesa como amigos, como gente quebrantada dispuesta a aprender uno del otro, dispuesto a escuchar, dispuestos a abrir nuestras mentes y corazones a la fe de mi prójimo. Me empecé a dar cuenta que yo era un hermano entre los Católicos, los Bautistas, los Metodistas, los no-denominacionales, y aún con aquellos los cuales no profesaban ninguna fe.
Pero segùn mis vivencias esto no estaba pasando en México y mi corazón se dolía especialmente cuando me gustaría sentarme con gente y hablar y compartir de las maravillas de Cristo. Como ustedes saben yo escribo mucho del Cristo de mis raíces, ese Cristo es el que me fue enseñado y del que me enamore cuando apenas era un adolescente en la escuela Jesuita. Mi corazón se duele al ver la división entre el Protestantismo y el Catolicismo, mi corazón se duele cuando al empezar a compartir con otros tu fe muchos empiezan a mirar como si fuera un bicho raro. Mi corazón se duele cuando el silencio es parte de la conversación y no del dialogo. ¿Cuándo entenderemos que el Cristo de la comunión y el de la cruz es el mismo?
Yo vine a México con la esperanza de encontrarme con gente dispuesta a escuchar y posiblemente aprender el uno del otro. Para mi sorpresa he visto un pequeño rayo de luz, una generación nueva dispuesta a dialogar. Fui bendecido al escuchar a un joven (José Luis, el novio de mi sobrina Mariana) hablar acerca de Su Cristo y de la vida que Cristo representa para él. Por primera vez desde que ingrese a la iglesia Protestante, estaba hablando con un Católico (Sin contar a mi madre), sin discutir, sin atacarnos, formando un dialogo en los cuales había momentos en que aun podíamos estar de acuerdo. La ironía de todo esto es que, los dos éramos Cristianos, y Mexicanos. Por un momento estábamos en “el centro de la Eucaristía de Cristo, en medio de aquellos que han puesto su confianza en él” (Henry Nouwen) Por un momento no había diferencias entre nosotros…….. por un memento practicábamos el verdadero ecumenismo.

"Te ofrezco paz. Te ofrezco amor. Te ofrezco amistad. Veo tu belleza. Veo tu necesidad. Siento tus sentimientos. Trabajemos juntos por la unidad y el amor."
–Gandhi

Eucharitic-La Eucaristia

2008-02-23T11:59:00.003-06:00

To celebrate the Eucharistic in the company of those whom we love is an act of worship to our Father, because we can come before Him with a thankful heart leaving behind our differences, our imperfections, even our weaknesses, our anger, and our bitterness and placed them before the cross of the one who loved us more than someone has ever loved us before. To celebrate the Eucharistic with your parents is an ecstasies of feelings that are been brought to the Lord’s Table. In this table there are not cultural division, nor language, traditions or even religions. The Eucharistic table is a transformational moment where we can say to each other: we love you, with the same love that covers multitudes of failures. The Christ of my childhood has grown deeper in me and it has let me feel the pain and joy of those who are close to me, especially my father and mother, than in almost 38 years they have shown me that faith, faith never dies. The Eucharistic not only reminds me that God is great, but it also says to me, a very logging seeker, that I am mightily loved; just that I am the beloved. God is giving me an opportunity, a space on time, so I may go and celebrate with my parents this amazing love, this thankful heart that we call Eucharistic. After 7 years without being able to visit Mexico, Immigration has granted us the opportunity to travel. My heart is shining!!!

Celebrar la Eucaristía en compañía de aquellos a quienes amamos es un acto de adoración a nuestro Padre, ya que podemos venir delante de él, en agradecimiento. Dejando nuestras diferencias, dejando nuestras imperfecciones, dejando aún nuestras debilidades, nuestros enojos, nuestros resentimientos a los pies de la cruz de aquel que nos amo mas allá de lo que nosotros no hemos podido amar. Celebrar la Eucaristía junto a tus padres, es un éxtasis de sentimientos que están siendo traídos ante la mesa del Señor, en esa misma mesa donde no existe división de culturas, de lenguaje, de tradiciones o aún de religiones. La mesa de la Eucaristía es un momento de transformación en donde podemos decirnos: te amo. Con ese amor que cubre multitud de fallas. El Cristo de mis raíces se ha cimentado en mí, y me ha dejado sentir el dolor y la alegría de aquellos que están cerca de mí, especialmente de mis padres, que en casi 38 años de vida me han mostrado que la fe, esa nunca se pierde. La Eucaristía me hace recordar no que Dios es grande, sino que yo, este buscador incansable, es grandemente amado; solo eso, que soy el amado. Dios me esta dando una oportunidad, una puerta en el tiempo, para que yo pueda ir y celebrar con mis padres este mismo amor, este agradecimiento a lo cual llamamos Eucaristía. Después de 7 años sin ir a México, la oficina de migración nos ha concedido la oportunidad de viajar. ¡Mi corazón irradia de alegría!!

Priceless

2008-02-16T23:44:00.003-06:00

writing on blog.....zero

Posting new stories.......zero

Time to write more......zero

100 in my English essay......priceless...

not having a lot of time to post....University, the Library and History becoming my second house.....ah and of course taking care of Frida....

Frida

2008-02-09T21:48:00.000-06:00

We are having so much fun with Frida Carpizo Martinez, the new member of our family.....

Estamos divirtiendonos mucho con Frida Carpizo Martinez, el nuevo miembro de la familia

Ashes to ashes

2008-02-09T17:58:00.000-06:00

We have a small community time last Wednesday, the starting of Lent/Pascua and while reading a devotional from Herny Nouwen I told the people that La Pascua was the start of a journey, a journey that will take us to die to ourselves on Good Friday and then be able to welcome life on Easter Sunday. This year instead of saying “en polvo eres y en polvo te convertiras”(you are dust and dust you will be) when placing the cross on people’s foreheads, I said, “recuerda quien eres y quien esta en ti”(remember who you are and who lives in you) We remember we are dust, but we also remember that in the midst of that dust life was created because Christ lives in us. So I added a little oil to the ashes(olive oil…lol) as a sign of the Holy Spirit in our lives, helping us in the journey. RECUERDA QUIEN ERES Y QUIEN VIVE EN TI. Remember who you are and who lives in you Amen.

Tuvimos una pequeño tiempo de comunidad el pasado miércoles, el empiezo de la Pascua y mientras leía un devocional de Henry Nouwen le dije a la gente que La Pascua era el comienzo de una jornada, una jornada que nos llevaría a morir a nosotros mismos en el viernes santo y después el poderle dar la bienvenida a la vida en el domingo de resurrección. Este año en vez de decir "en polvo eres y en polvo te convertirás" cuando ponía la señal de la cruz en las frentes dije, "recuerda quien eres y quien vive en ti". Recordamos que somos polvo, pero tambien recordamos que en medio de ese polvo la vida fué creada ya que Cristo vive en nosotros. Así que le agregue un poco de aceite(aceite de oliva que el lo único que tenía a la mano) como una señal del Espíritu Santo en nuestras vidas, ayudandonos en ésta jornada. RECUERDA QUIEN ERES Y QUIEN VIVE EN TI

What about Creativity?

2008-02-03T16:43:00.000-06:00

Since I met Brittney I have never been able to have long conversations with her, I haven’t been able to connect or even to relate with her. She was starting her senior year at High school and I was already an adult, married and with a longer and more used mileage than her. But there is one thing that I feel connected to her, through arts.
She is the kind of person so sensitive in this area that she will think beyond what anybody else I know. Sometimes I would like to know what is going on in her mind and the way she sees the world and converted into something beautiful like a drawing, a picture, and a design.
This is how I think her mind works; sometimes in the middle of I don’t know what, she sees something nobody else is seeing. That goes straight to her mind and thousands of little workers start gathering the many ideas she is bringing into the middle of her brain. Oh my gosh! It is so noisy; it is a chaos inside, little workers going up and down, with pencils, pens, crayons, hammers, paper and probably a camera and they are going to the working room. A room designed and used specially for big projects. Suddenly Brittney stops and looks into a wonderful sunset and how the little soap bubble from a kid near by surrounded the scene, it is like this bubble is part of the whole sunset scene. The little workers are so busy because a huge waterfall of ideas just came into the working room; they are over saturated. They can not handle so much….stop, stop!!! Stop thinking!!! We need to act, we need to do something. So one of the little workers, the boss screams to another who is at the higher position of her brain and screaming he says: tell the brain that we need to start moving the hand because we are getting full in here!!!! Brittney seats down and grabs a pencil. The brain has listen to the command of the little worker and the nerves jumps out and run as fast as possible to the end of the fingers so the flow of ideas comes out and BUM!!! A CREATION Comes!

I am not a creative person but I love creative people and I love creativity. If creativity is to create, long time ago God the Father brought all his desires and ideas and in 7 days he created the heavens, the earth and each one of us. Our creativity as human beings comes from the one who originated and created creativity, our Creator, our God, our Father Almighty. That is way God is the source of our creativity, because He is the Creator of all things. He is the main artist; He is the painter of a great master piece: You, me, the world that surrounds us.

In the 1600’s there was a man who was recognized as one of the greatest painters of the European arts history and the most important in his native country the Netherlands often called Holland. His paintings have been seen for millions of people and until now 400 years later Rembrandt is remembered. But Rembrandt is just part of the Master pieces of God’s creation; he is just one of the million paintings He has showed in His biggest art museum: the world.

We need to keep remained ourselves that God’s creations are still alive after so many years, and His paintings of great sunsets and sunrises, His sculptures when a child is born are still present. Remember God the Creator. Remember your Creator, He is the one who one day sat down and decided to let the flow of creativity from within and you and I were the result of that.

My Second House

2008-01-29T16:49:00.000-06:00

Tennessee Tech University's library has become my second house. For the last 48 hours I have spent 15 hours seated in a small cubicle, with classical music on and doing lots and lots of homework. I haven't had a lunch break yet (that I don't really need it!! jejeje!) and it is already 4:50p.m. Plus tonight I started a conversation with a group of teenage girls that wants to get together and talk about life(Paula is coming with me) and to add to my free time, every Friday I am opening a Book reading club,(with TTU students, counting myself) of course Henry Nouwen's book: The Return of the Prodigal Son. What a fun life!!!!

La biblioteca de la Universidad Tecnológica de Tennessee se ha convertido en mi segunda casa. Por las últimas 48 horas he pasado 15 de ellas sentado en un muy pequeño cubículo, con música clásica puesta y mucha pero mucha tarea. No he tenido ni siquiera un receso para almorzar (que en realidad no lo necesito verdad!) y ya casi son las 5 de la tarde. Más aparte hoy empiezo una conversación con un grupo de chicas adolescentes que quieren reunirse a platicar acerca de la vida (por supuesto mi esposita viene conmigo) y para agregarle a mi tiempo libre, el viernes empiezo un Club de lectura(con estudiantes del TTU, y pues me incluyo) claro que por supuesto el libro de Henry Nouwen: El Regreso del Hijo Prodigo. ¡Que padrísima vida!

The Art of Hospitality

2008-01-28T11:47:00.000-06:00

Sometimes we are afraid of new challenges, but never be afraid of new relationships. The open door for God to move is always a possibility

Last weekend we were extremely busy, not with Connection (church programs), but being creative on the Art of Hospitality. Yes! I believe Hospitality is an art that can be learned. It is not only an art; it is also the Spirit of Christ working in our lives. When Paula and I visited North Africa we had our first encounter with this. North African’s families are extremely hospitable, but for them hospitability is more than just an invitation to their house, is more than an invitation to eat, is more than a place to watch the soccer game. When they meet you, even if is just in the streets, or in a restaurant, and they decide to invite you to their house, the invitation becomes an invitation to be their friends; an invitation to join our lives deeper than just the appearances of a great meal. In our trip to Tunisia back in 2000, we experienced this when a family that we just met in the market invited us to have dinner with them. First we were a little nervous; we westerners are not used to build friends so fast. We walked through small streets until we arrived to a very small house. We were welcomed by the daughter who introduced us to everybody in the family. The mother was cooking cuscus, a delicious and very traditional North African dish. They gave us mint tea and treated us like we were very dear friends. We left that house with a full tummy, a satisfied heart, and new friends who became part of our family right away.
Paula cooked the whole week different Mexican dishes because Saturday nigh we invited some couples I have met while studying my undergraduate’s studies. Sunday night we invited some university students to join us and eat the left over. In both occasions we laughed, we enjoy good conversation, we talked about each other, and there were deep thought about God, family, friends and life. Of course I spend 2 hours cleaning, but when we practice the art of hospitality the result is the enjoyment of a great piece of art: making connections, building friendships. When Christ invites us to the table to celebrate the Eucharist, the Lord Supper, and the Communion he invites us to join with Him in a deeper and more meaningful relationship. It becomes an open table to practice the Art of Hospitality.

Muchas veces tenemos miedo de nuevos retos, pero nunca tengamos miedo de relaciones nuevas. La puerta abierta de Dios para que él se mueva siempre será una posibilidad

El fin de semana pasado estuvimos muy ocupados, no con Conexión (programas de la Iglesia), sino siendo creativos en el Arte de la Hospitalidad.¡ Así es! Yo creo que la Hospitalidad es un arte que puede ser aprendido. No es solo un arte, sino es el Espíritu del Cristo trabajando en nuestras vidas. Cuando Paula y yo visitamos el Norte de África fue cuando tuvimos nuestro primer encuentro con éste arte. Las familias del Norte de África son excesivamente hospitalarias, pero para ellos la hospitalidad es mas que una invitación a sus casas, es más que una invitación a comer, es más que un lugar para ir a ver el partido de football soccer. Cuando te conocen, aún si es en la calle o en un restaurante y deciden invitarte a su casa, esa invitación se convierte en una invitación para convertirse en sus amigos, de unir profundamente nuestras vidas, más allá de la bonita apariencia de los platillos a saborear. En nuestro viaje a Túnez en el año 2000 experimentamos en carne propia cuando una familia que apenas habíamos conocido en el mercado nos invitó a cenar a su casa. Primero estábamos un poco nerviosos y sospechosos porque nosotros los de este lado del charco no hacemos amistades tan rápido. Caminamos por callejones muy pequeños y oscuros hasta llegar a una casita de adobe, con el estilo mediterráneo característico de esa región. Nos recibió la hija quien nos presento a toda la familia. La mamá estaba preparando un delicioso platillo Tunecino llamado cuscús, nos dieron te de menta y nos trataron como si fuéramos amigos muy queridos de ellos. Dejamos esa casa con una panza llena, un corazón satisfecho y nuevos amigos que se convirtieron en parte de nuestra familia. Paula cocino durante toda la semana platillos tradicionales mexicanos porque el sábado invitamos a unas parejas que conocí a través de estar estudiando en la universidad. El domingo por la tarde invitamos a unos estudiantes universitarios a que nos ayudaran a comer las lo que había quedado del la noche anterior. En los dos momentos nos reímos, tuvimos grandes conversaciones, hablamos acerca de nosotros, y también hubo conversaciones profundas de Dios, la familia, los amigos y la vida. Por supuesto me pase dos horas limpiando la cocina pero cuando practicamos el arte de la hospitalidad el resultado es poder disfrutar una de las piezas más hermosas: el hacer conexiones, y nuevas amistades. Cuando Cristo nos invita a la mesa para celebrar la Eucaristía, la Santa Cena, la Comunión, él nos esta invitando a tener una relación intima y de mucho significado. Se convierte en una mesa abierta para practicar el arte de la hospitalidad.

In a Quest for the new member of our family!!

2008-01-22T19:24:00.000-06:00

I am in the long quest to find me a new member in our family, yes! that is right. After almost 12 years of marriage Paula has given me the green light to buy a dog, and we live in a house for the first time ever so we can do so. After researching, reading, and talking to some dog owners, I have decided to get a female German shorthaired pointer.
I am really excited to have a dog. Since I was a little kid my family owned many dogs and I know they can be faithful and loyal companions. I know they can be great friends and they will listen when nobody else will. So after Friday we will have a new member in our family living with us. Her name: Frida

Estoy en el largo camino de encontrar un nuevo amigo. ¡Asi es! después de 12 años de casados Paula me ha dado la luz verde para comprar un perrito y pues ahora vivimos en una casa por primera vez y asi que le podemos dar la bienvenida a un nuevo miembro de la familia. Despues de investigar, leer y hablar con algunas personas dueños de perros, he decidido comprar una perrita Pointer Alemán de pelo corto. Estoy bien emocionado de tener un perro; desde que era chavito mi famlia tenía perros y yo se que pueden convertirse en compañeros fieles y leales. Se que son buenos amigos y escuchan aun cuando nadie mas lo hace. Asi que el viernes tendremos un nuevo miembro en la familia, su nombre: Frida

A thought from TTU

2008-01-21T14:32:00.000-06:00

(Lunes 14 de enero)
Estoy sentado esperando a que empiece mi clase vespertina de Civilización Mundial. Me he sentado al frente porque me gusta poner atención al profesor. De mi lugar tengo la vista de la entrada de la biblioteca y los reflejos de las muchas luces en cientos de autos. Con mi taza de café, la quinta estación en mi ipod me transporto a un universo en el cual me siento otra persona. Como si volará en el tiempo pero a la vez atascado en un asiento incomodo; rodeado de gente extraña, gente que nunca había visto. Me pregunto cuál es la historia de cada persona, en sus silencios, sus miradas ausentes. Unos mandando mensajes de texto en sus celulares, otros leyendo, otros simplemente esperando. De vez en cuando todos volteamos a la puerta que se abre, yo se que esperamos la llegada del profesor, pero es casi siempre alguien mas buscando su lugar en esta encrucijada de personalidades. Aquí en este salón la "comunidad" se quebranta, es ciertamente vaga, simplemente no esta presente. Pero aquí en medio de esta multitud de gente desconocida me siento pleno. Aquí es cuando pienso si estar en el ministerio de tiempo completo es esto que estoy haciendo participando como estudiante en un salón de clase. ¿Que significa servir de tiempo completo? ¿Qué no es lo que hacemos todos los días en cada momento de nuestro existir? Yo creo que tanto un profesor de la universidad, como un estudiante, como un pastor están sirviendo de tiempo completo. Empecemos a abrir nuestras mentes y pensar un poco diferente en cuanto qué es servir.

(Monday, January 14^th)
I am sitting waiting for my night class of World Civilization to start. I have seated in front because I like to pay attention to what the professor has to say. From my seat I can see in the distance the front of the library building and the many reflections of the street light on the car hoods. With a cup of coffee, a Spaniard pop band in my ipod, I transport myself to a universe where I feel another person. It is like I am flying on time but at the same time stuck in a very uncomfortable chair. Surrounded by strangers, people I have never seen. I ask myself about their stories, their silences, and their empty sights. Some sending text messages in their cell phones, others are reading and some they are just waiting for the professor to arrive. Once in a while everybody turn to the door expecting for him to show up, but most of the time it is just another student searching for his place in this sea of personalities. In this classroom, “community” is broken, it is vague, and it is no present at all. But in the midst of strangers I feel satisfied. Here in this place is when I wonder if being a full time minister is being a student in a classroom. What does it mean to serve as full time minister? Isn’t what we do everyday of our lives, in every moment, to serve? I believe that if we are a professor in the university, a student, or a pastor we are serving full time. Let us start opening our minds to think a little bit different in what is to serve.

A Dancing Heart

2008-01-20T16:38:00.000-06:00

Once in a while my momentum of deep thinking and brokenness is transformed in joy. This is joy is expressed through the love I have for salsa music. Today I found this video that originally is played by the master of "timbales" Tito Puente; but this kid has a tremendous gift. This music makes my heart start dancing, then it is transported to all my body until it gets to my feet. His Joy surrenders my whole! Then I realized that God gave me my culture to enjoy it. I am so happy to be a Latino. I Hope you can enjoy it!!!

De ves en cuando mi momentum de pensamiento profundo y quebrantamiento es transformado en alegría. Ésta alegría es expresada por medio de la pasión que tengo por la música salsa. Hoy encontre este video que originalmente lo toca el maestro timbalero Tito Puente, pero éste chavo tiene un don increible. Esta música hace que mi corazón empieze a bailar, despues la mmusica se transporta a todo mi cuerpo hasta llegar a mis pies. Su gozo me rodea en mi totalidad. Me doy cuenta que Dios me dio mi cultura para disfrutarla. Estoy muy contento de ser Latino. Espero lo disfrutes!

New Book

2008-01-15T11:36:00.000-06:00

The new book I am reading, Excellent!!!
El nuevo libro que estoy leyendo, ¡excelente!

Thoughts from the book/Pensamientos del libro.

"It was out of his compassion that Jesus´s healing emerged. He did not cure to prove, to impress, or to convince. His cures were natural expression of his being our God.
The mystery of God's love is not that our pain is taken away, but that God first wants to share that pain with us"
"Fué de su compasión que la sanidad de Jesús resurgio. Él no sano para probar, para impresionar, para convencer. Su sanidad fué una expresión natural del ser Dios. El misterio del amor de Dios no es que nuestro dolor es quitado, mas bien es que Dios quiere compartir ese dolor con nosotros"

"Being compassionate would require giving up dividing lines and relinquishing differences and distinctions. And that would mean losing our identities. This makes it clear why the call to be compassionate is so frightening and evokes such deep resistance. This fear, which is very real and influences much of our behavior, betrays our deepest illusions: that we can forge our own identities; that we are the collective impressions of our surroundings; that we are the trophies and distinctions we have won. This, indeed, is our greatest illusion. It makes us into competitive people who compulsively cling to our differences and defend them at all cost, even to the point of violence"

Here and Now

2008-01-14T19:55:00.000-06:00

"Compassion, as a downward movement towards solidarity instead of an upward movement towards popularity, does not require heroic gestures or a sensational turnaround. In fact, the compassionate life is mostly hidden in the ordinaries of everyday living. The question that truly counts is not whether we imitate Mother Teresa, but whether we are open to the many little sufferings of those with whom we share our life. Are we willing to spend time with those who do not stimulate our curiosity? Do we listen to those who do not immediately attract us? Can we be compassionate to those whose suffering remains hidden from the eyes of the world? There is much hidden suffering –more than the suffering everybody can see and we like to support —the suffering of the teenage who does not feel secure; the suffering of the husband and wife who feel that there is not love left between them; the suffering of the wealthy executive who thinks that people are more interested in his money than in him; the suffering of the gay man or woman who feels isolated from family and friends; the suffering of the countless people who lack caring friends, satisfying work, a peaceful home, a safe neighborhood; the suffering of the millions who feel lonely and wonder if life is worth living. True compassion always begins right where we are". (Here and Now, Nouwen) These words have helped me to realize that I have misunderstood what “Compassion” is all about. True compassion starts where we are, even if I need to start with me. But how can people know that I am a compassionate person if I am not willing to open up and share my struggles, my humanity, my incompetence, my loneliness, my doubts, my fears? How am I going to be able to suffer to those who suffer if I don’t show my suffering? If I do not do this then I can easily become a kind of “superhero”; a perfect person trying to make the world better.

"La compasión, como un movimiento descendente hacia la solidaridad en ves de un movimiento ascendente hacia la popularidad, no requiere gestos heroicos o cambios sensacionales. De hecho, la vida de compasión esta escondida en lo ordinario de la cotidianidad. La pregunta que en verdad cuenta no es si imitamos a la Madre Teresa, pero si estamos abiertos a los muchos y pequeños sufrimientos de aquellos con los cuales compartimos nuestra vida. ¿Estamos dispuestos a pasar tiempo con aquellas personas que no estimulan nuestra curiosidad? ¿Escuchamos a aquellos que al principio no nos sentimos atraídos a ellos?¿Podemos ser compasivos con aquellos los cuales sus sufrimientos están escondidos de los ojos del mundo? Existe mucho sufrimiento escondido—más de aquel sufrimiento que sí podemos ver y que nos gusta apoyar—el sufrimiento del adolescente que no se siente seguro; el sufrimiento del esposo y la esposa que sienten que ya no hay amor entre ellos; el sufrimientos del hombre de negocios que piensa que la gente esta mas interesada en su dinero que en él como persona; el sufrimiento del hombre o la mujer gay que se sientes separados de sus amigos y familia; el sufrimiento de muchas otras personas que no tienen un amigo que se preocupa por ellos; que no tienen un trabajo que les satisfaga, que no viven en una colonia segura; el sufrimiento de millones de personas que se sienten solas y que se preguntan si vale la pena vivir. La compasión verdadera siempre empieza en donde estamos" (Aqui y Ahora, Nouwen).Estas palabras me han ayudado a darme cuenta que posiblemente he malentendido que es la compasión. La compasión verdadera es donde nos encontramos hoy, aún si esa compasión empieza en mi. ¿Pero como la gente sabrá que soy una persona compasiva si no estoy dispuesto a abrir y compartir mis batallas, mi humanidad, mi incompetencia, mi soledad, mis dudas y mis miedos? ¿Cómo voy a poder sufrir con aquellos que sufren si no muestro mi propio sufrimiento? Si no hago esto, fácilmente puedo convertirme en una especie de “Superhéroe”; una persona perfecta tratando de hacer un mundo mejor.

Free to Offend and be offended

2008-01-12T22:42:00.000-06:00

I just want to share what a friend wrote in his Friday article in the newspaper: "I am glad I live in a country where I am free to offend and be offended without going to the authorities" what a statement of relief and freedom!!!...I know I will offend someone, but I also know that I will be offended...this is true humanity and true Christianity, but in the midst of this I want to be able to find joy when there is hurt and light when there is darkness....

Solo quiero compartir lo que un amigo escribió en su articulo del periódico: "estoy contento que vivo en un país en donde tengo la libertad de ofender y ser ofendido sin acudir a las autoridades" ¡que frase tan liberadora!..Sé que ofenderé a alguien, pero también se que sere ofendido...ésta es la verdadera humanidad y el verdadero Cristianismo; pero en medio de esto quiero poder encontrar alegria cuando haya dolor y luz en medio de la oscuridad...

Voluntary displacement

2008-01-09T15:38:00.000-06:00

What am I doing to be compassionate? This was the question I asked myself while reading another book I just started, “Compassion”. I feel the same way former vice-president of the United States Hubert Humphrey quoted when asked about compassion and politics, “Gentlemen, look at this pencil. Just as the eraser is only a very small part of this pencil and is used only when you make a mistake, so compassion is only called upon when things get out of hand. The main part of life is competition; only the eraser is compassion” According to the definition, compassion means “to suffer with”. It asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless.(Compassion*) I found myself asking so many questions about church and others, about my own spirituality, about my own life, about my future, the future of the ministry, about how I would like for others to be or not to be, and to act; but deep in me; in the inner and most deeper part of my soul there is still a question: am I truly a compassionate person? Or do I pretend to be compassionate while I hide myself in the long hours reading, studying and trying to show myself broken before others? To be compassionate means to suffer, and even though I would like to live a life understanding and embracing suffering, in reality I don’t want to suffer and I don’t have any idea how to suffer with others. “Voluntary displacement (to move or to shift from the ordinary or proper place) leads us to the existential recognition of our inner brokenness and thus brings us to a deeper solidarity with the brokenness of our fellow human beings. Community as the place of compassion, therefore always requires displacement. The Greek word for church, ekklesia, indicates that, as Christian community, we are people who together are called out of our familiar places to unknown territories, out of our ordinary and proper places to the places where people hurt and where we can experience with them our common human brokenness and our common need for healing”(The Dance of Life). Is my unfulfilled life part of not being able to live and practice compassion? Lord why I am tormented with all these questions, with all these thoughts, “take my tired body, my confused mind, and my restless soul into your arms and give me rest, no! Don’t give me rest until I can find myself in the middle of being a compassionate person even if my whole life is taken away. If I am living to serve you, I need to learn how to be compassionate.

¿Qué estoy haciendo para ser una persona compasiva? Esta era mi pregunta mientras leía otro libro que apenas comencé: Compasión. Me siento de la misma manera que el ex-vice presidente de los Estados Unidos Hubert Humphrey dijo cuando le preguntaron de la relación entre la compasión y la política, “Señores vean éste lápiz. Así como la goma es tan pequeña y solo se usa para corregir errores, la compasión se usa cuando algo se ha salido de nuestro control. La parte principal de nuestra vida es la competencia; solo la goma es compasión”. De acuerdo a la definición compasión significa “sufrir con”. Nos pide que vayamos donde duele, que entremos en lugares de dolor, que compartamos en quebrantamiento, miedo, confusión y angustia. La compasión requiere que seamos débiles con el débil, vulnerable con el vulnerable, y sin poder alguno con el que no tiene poder. (Compasión). Me encuentro preguntándome mucho acerca de la iglesia y de los demás, acerca de mi propia espiritualidad, acerca de mi vida, acerca del futuro, del futuro del ministerio, acerca de cómo me gustaría que los demás fueran o no fueran, y de cómo deben actuar; pero en lo profundo de mi, en la parte mas profunda e intima de mi alma existe una pregunta: ¿soy en verdad una persona compasiva? ¿O aparento ser compasivo mientras me oculto en las horas de lectura, estudio y tratando de mostrarme como una persona quebrantada? Ser compasivo significa sufrir, y a pesar de que quiero vivir una vida entendiendo y abrazando el sufrimiento, en realidad no quiero sufrir y ni tampoco se como sufrir con los demás. “el desplazo voluntario (moverse o cambiarse de lo ordinario o de lugares propicios) nos dirige a reconocer existencialmente nuestro quebrantamiento interior y eso nos lleva una y mas profunda solidaridad con el quebrantamiento de nuestros compañeros en la vida. La comunidad como un lugar de compasión, siempre requiere el desplazarse. La palabra Griega de “Iglesia”—ekklesia—indica que como comunidad cristiana, estamos llamados juntamente a salir de nuestros lugares familiares e ir a territorios desconocidos, salir de nuestros lugares ordinarios y propios a lugares donde la gente es lastimada y en donde podemos experimentar con ellos nuestro quebrantamiento común y nuestra necesidad de sanidad” (La Danza de la Vida) ¿acaso será que el sentirme no satisfecho en mi vida es por casusa de no ser una persona compasiva? “Señor ¿porqué me atormento con todas estas preguntas?, ¿con estos pensamientos? “Toma mi cuerpo cansado, mi mente confundida y mi alma intranquila y llévala a tus brazos para poder descansar” ¡NO, Mejor no! No me des descanso hasta que pueda encontrarme siendo una persona compasiva aún si mi vida entera se acaba. Si vivo para servirte, necesito aprender a ser compasivo.

Real Counseling- Consejería Real

2008-01-05T13:42:00.001-06:00

I am reading a very small group from my favorite writer, guess who? yes!! you got it!! Henry Nouwen titled "The Dance of life, weaving sorrows and blessings into one joyful step" I am devouring it. It is speaking so much to my heart than when I go and have a conversation with God, His words become alive. A couple moths ago I heard the complaint of a lady, who has been in the journey of Christ for more than six years, resounding into my ears: "we need more counseling". This is exactly what we expect from our pastors or mentors to give us directions, to take away our pain, to help us live a fulfilling life. But the definition of what is a minister according to Nouwen differs from what we would like for a minister to be, he said, "A minister is not a doctor whose primary task is to take away pain. Rather, he deepens the pain to a level where it can be shared. It is a minister who has come to terms with his own loneliness and is at home in his own house, is a host who offers hospitality to his guest. He gives them a friendly space where they may feel free to come and go, to be close and distant, to rest and to play, to talk and to be silent, to eat and to fast. The paradox indeed is that hospitality asks for the creation of an empty space where the guest can find his own soul" We need to find our counsel, direction, fulfillment not in the words of our pastor, teacher, and friend; but in solitude with God, our Abba. Everything and everybody else are just instruments for us to find us and find God in our own journey, our own soul. Community is formed when people are willing to deepen into their own pain and share it to each other, "what is forgotten is unavailable, and what is unavailable cannot be healed. We are healed first of all by letting, our memories, be available, by leading then out of the corner of forgetfulness and by remembering them as part of our life story.

Estoy leyendo un libro muy pequeño de mi escritor favorito, ¿adivinen quién? ¡Exacto! ¡le atinaron! El Padre Henry Nouwen, se titula: “La danza de la vida” Me lo estoy devorando. Esta hablando tanto a mi corazón que cuando tengo una conversación con Dios, Su palabra se aviva. Hace unos meses escuche la queja de una señora, que ha estado en esta jornada en Cristo por más de seis años, resonando en mis oídos: “Necesitamos consejería”. Esto es lo que exactamente esperamos de nuestros pastores, mentores, que nos den dirección, que nos quiten el dolor de nuestra vida, que nos ayuden a vivir una vida plena. Pero la definición de lo que es un ministro de acuerdo a Nouwen es totalmente diferente a lo que nos gustaría que un ministro fuera para nosotros, él dijo: “Un ministro no es un doctor quien principalmente se dedica a quitar el dolor. Es mas, él profundiza en el dolor hasta que llegue al nivel en donde éste pueda ser compartido. Es un ministro que ha entendido su propia soledad y es en casa en su propio hogar, es un anfitrión que ofrece hospitalidad a sus invitados. Él les da un lugar amigable donde se puedan sentir libres de ir o venir, de estar cercanos o distantes, de descansar o de jugar, de hablar o de callar, de comer o ayunar. La paradoja es que la hospitalidad crea un lugar vacio en donde el huésped encuentra su propia alma”. Necesitamos encontrar nuestro consejo, nuestra dirección, nuestra plenitud no en las palabras de un pastor, un maestro, o un amigo; pero en la soledad interior con Dios, nuestro Abba. Todo lo demás y toda otra persona son solo instrumentos para que nosotros podamos encontrarnos y encontrar a Dios en nuestra propia jornada, en nuestra propia alma. Comunidad se forma cuando la gente esta dispuesta a profundizar en su propio dolor y compartirlo con los demás “lo que se olvida no se alcanza, y lo que no se alcanza no puede ser sanado. Somos sanados cuando ponemos nuestras memorias a la disposición de otros, sacándolas de la esquina del olvido y recordándolas como parte de nuestra historia”(The Living Reminder, Nouwen)

New Year- Nuevo Año

2008-01-03T12:59:00.000-06:00

A new year has arrived and 2007 is already history; the holidays came and left as fast as the blink of an eye. Dinners, meals, get together and of course 10lbs more. To be honest I was not looking forward to this season and may be I was not even realizing that Christmas was close. Now, Christmas is gone and I ask myself: did I remember the birth of Christ more than any other month of the year? Did Christ's birth was more alive in my heart? Was my relationship with Him got closer because of this season? I could honestly answer "no". I am starting this new year not with new expectations, not with high hopes, not with lots of excitements, but with realistic thoughts about my own relationship with Abba and how this relationship would help me overcome my fears, doubts and lack of directions. The more I find myself in His arms, the more inner peace I feel. The more I let myself be drowned in the deep water of his love, the more I have to struggle with myself. I am learning the difference between loneliness and solitude, according to Henry Nouwen, "loneliness is painful, solitude is peaceful. Loneliness makes us cling to others in desperation; solitude allows us to respect others in their uniqueness and create community. The question is whether we let our aloneness become loneliness or whether we allow it to lead us into solitude" (Bread for the Journey). Solitude doesn't mean away from people; it means being able to constantly have a conversation with God and find ourselves seeking this intimate and inner encounter with Him surrounded by people or in the incredible experience of a wonderful sunset. But in order to be in solitude with Abba, I need to face my loneliness, and let me tell you this is extremely hard for me. It is better to pretend than to face how lonely I feel, how awkward my life is. "Our culture" says Nouwen, "has become most sophisticated in the avoidance of pain, not only our physical pain but our emotional and mental pain as well. We have become so used to this anesthesia, that we panic when there is nothing or nobody left to distract us" Walking towards facing my loneliness and the pain this may bring, so I can find myself in solitude with Him is how I want to start this year. Hopefully at the end of this year I could at least have make one step down into these deep waters.

Un Nuevo año ha llegado y el 2007 ya es historia. Las festividades llegaron y así de rápido se fueron. Cenas, comidas, reuniones y por supuesto 5 kilos más. Para ser honestos yo no estaba esperando que llegara esta temporada y creo que ni siquiera estaba consiente que las navidades estaban cerca. Ahora, la Navidad ya se fue y me pregunto: ¿me acordé del nacimiento de Cristo más que otros meses?, ¿estuvo el nacimiento de Cristo más cercano a mi vida? ¿Mi relación con él se fue más íntima debido a esta temporada? Podría ser honesto y contestar “no”. Estoy empezando este año no con grandes expectativas, no con grandes esperanzas, no con mucha emoción, pero con un pensamiento realista acerca de mi propia relación con Abba, y como esta relación me ayudará a vencer mis miedos, mis dudas y mi falta de dirección. Mientras más me encuentre en Sus brazos, mas paz interior tendré. Mientras más me deje ahogarme en las aguas profundas de Su amor, menos tendré que lidiar conmigo mismo. Estoy aprendiendo la diferencia entre soledad y “solitude”(termino que en inglés da un cierto significado de estar a solas con Dios que para uso en español y en estos escritos le llamaré “soledad interior”).Henry Nouwen dice, “la soledad es dolorosa, la soledad interior trae paz. La soledad nos hace amarrarnos a los demás en desesperación; la soledad interior nos da la oportunidad de respetar a los demás en su individualidad y crear comunidad. La pregunta es si podemos dejar que nuestra soledad llegue a convertirse en alejarnos de los demás o si dejamos que se convierta en la soledad interior de estar en Su presencia” (Pan para la Jornada). Soledad interior no significa alejarte de la gente; sino todo lo contrario, significa que constantemente estemos en conversación con Dios y que busquemos éste íntimo y profundo encuentro con El, ya sea que estemos rodeados de mucha gente, o en el increíble momento de un atardecer. Pero para poder estar en soledad interior con Abba tengo que enfrentar mi propia soledad, y para ser sincero, esto es sumamente difícil para mí. Es mejor pretender que mostrar a los demás cuan solo e incapaz me siento. “Nuestra cultura”, dice Nouwen, “se ha hecho más sofisticada en evadir el dolor, no solo el físico, sino el emocional y mental. Nos hemos acostumbrado a ésta anestesia que entramos en pánico cuando nos hay nada ni nadie que nos pueda distraer”. Así que caminar para enfrentarme con mi soledad y el dolor que esto pueda traer para poder encontrarme en soledad interior con Él es como quiero empezar esté año. Espero que al final del año haya podido tan siquiera dar un paso hacia estas profundas aguas.

Learning from the Unexpected

2007-12-21T14:39:00.000-06:00

"A busy man who walks up to a precious flower and says: what for God's sake are you doing here? Can't you get busy someway? and then finds himself unable to understand the flower's response: I am so sorry, sir, but I am just here to be beautiful". How can we also come to this wisdom of the flower that being is more important that doing?"(H.Nouwen)

I am going to tell you the story of someone I just met and has blessed my life. I met Carl at my friend David's house. He was just another common guy of the many people I have met through others, until he came to one of the Posadas. In every posada we tried to choose someone who will characterized Joseph and Mary while we sing the "posadas' songs". Carl was chosen to represent Joseph. Most of the people really don't care what they are representing. Most of the people do it for the fun of it, but this was not the case of Carl. After everybody tried to sing, in a very out of tune melody, after the piñata was broken, after all the fellowship was gone; Carl called me because he wanted to talk to me. When Carl and I were alone, he bowed down to me and with reverence he handed me the clothing he used as a costume saying, "thank you for the honor you gave me when you asked me to characterized Joseph. When I was a child I used to to go church and I heard all the stories about Joseph and Mary, so being Joseph tonight has touched my heart and honor to represent hi". I really didn't know what to think about it because this was the first time someone has come to me with such a statement. Carl's response makes me think if I can also answer like the flower in the story I shared in the beginning that being is more important than doing. Carl's humility reminded me about the value of "being".......and as Isaac of Nineveh said "He who knows his sins is much greater that he who makes someone rise from the dead. He who can really cry one hour about himself is greater than he who teaches the whole world; he who knows his own weakness is greater than he who sees the angels"......by the way he has opened his house for next year posadas.....

The Real Nativity

2007-12-21T13:15:00.000-06:00

In many churches, communities, fellowships or groups, starting with our own, we want to create an atmosphere of true fellowship; of people that always smile, always have the right word to say, and most of all of people giving the glory to God. We want to be an example for the people "outside" of our congregations, but what if we are the outsiders? We want to create a vision so we know where are we heading, we want to create a mission so we know how are we going to be working, we want to create discipleship classes so people can learn, we want to create programs so people can get involved. But what if true community is not about all these, "life in community does not keep the darkness away. Jealousy, anger, the feeling of being rejected or neglected, the sense of not truly belonging--all of these emerged in the context of a community striving for a life of forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing...Community is to keep moving towards the light precisely when the darkness--when our differences, when being document or undocumented, when we are good pastors or when we don't have any idea of what to do next, when we don't speak the language, when we feel out of place, when envy feelings come out, when judgment is proclaimed,when we don't want to be part of any church anymore--is so real" (Italics by Nouwen).....so it is ok to be imperfect!! The moment we realized our imperfection toward others, towards ourselves then we can truly relax and stand in awe before the creation of humanity and nature. This is when nativity becomes real, and real community sprouts out.

As a Symbol of Humanity

2007-12-20T11:57:00.000-06:00

In what century do I live, I ask myself?, when I made the decision to come to the United States and serve as missionary I was so excited. So excited because I was coming to the country where all the missionaries I knew were from, I was coming to a "first" world country so advance in technology with extremely friendly people (that was the way I see them back in Mexico). In the midst of Christmas I have been reminded that it doesn't matter if we live in a "first" or "third" country, we are still human beings and , there are no barriers between each others, unless we are the ones creating them..... my heart cries when I see people with such hate towards others, and as my friend David said last night in the posada, "we expresses our sincere belief that the nativity of humanity overlaps all borders. We are all immigrants within the borders of this existence. We are all neighbors in the neighborhood of eternity."......Let's keep building bridges between cultures, between people, between each other. Let us see people not with our minds but with our heart as symbol of peace, as a symbol of humanity.

Are we listening?

2007-12-13T01:17:00.000-06:00

I really needed to share this with you. My last post was written late Wednesday nigh, early Thursday morning because I was having a little of trouble getting to sleep. So I decided to keep doing my Life Journal and this is the word that came alive and let me tell you Jeff shared this word to me last week. Are we listening?
" I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong."(Hebrews 5:11-14), but of course you need to read what Hebrews 5:7-10 has to say, "Trusting-obedience by suffering"...

This is what not listening to His voice will make of us, little babies...isn't His word amazing? May we can listen to God and grow up in Him. Just remember than when we grow up we don't go up, but down into the cross.

Embracing our Shadows

2007-12-13T00:05:00.000-06:00

I started another book today, of course is Henry Nouwen. Nouwen has become an instrument to get me closer to Christ and to Abba. His writings has helped me to get deeper on the understanding of my humanity, my brokenness, but also to realized that I immensely loved by God. Here are couple of words to think, "Nouwen urges us not to bypass loneliness, hospitality, and illusion. They are the very route to solitude, hospitality, and prayer. It is in the midst of the old that we encounter new life. The careful and honest articulation(rather than avoidance) of the ambiguities, uncertainties, and painful condition of everyday existence can bring us hope and renewal. Our vision of the future is born out of the sufferings of the present and our compassion for others out of our despair. In other words, only by embracing our shadows can become fully integrated and authentic spiritual pilgrims. As Nouwen points out. Jesus shows, both in his teaching and in his life, that true joy often is hidden in the midst of our sorrow, and that the dance of life finds its beginnings in grief".(The Dance of Life 25)

It is amazing to realize that God indeed speaks to us and like Henry states is an "absurd living a way of life in which we remain deaf to the voice which speaks to us in our silence. It seems as though the world in which we live conspires against our hearing that voice and tries to make us absolutely deaf" (28)

Today I read what I just wrote here, but yesterday while reading the Life Journal the Words speaks into my heart that "God who got everything started and keeps everything going now completes the work by making the salvation pioneer perfect through suffering as he leads all these people to glory"(Hebrews 2:10-12)

Embracing my shadows and suffering will lead me to glory, to the dance of life, to breath Him in every moment, even if takes my breath away from joy or pain. His voice still speaking and in this moments when I am able to hear His voice in the midst of any shadow or suffering I know I haven't become deaf to Him.

Embrace your shadows....May His voice speaks to you as alive as you have never experienced it. May the time you spend with Him, alone in solitude, a time of re-freshness...Don't bypass loneliness, hospitality, and illusion......

Do we know the pain in each others heart?

2007-12-11T21:24:00.000-06:00

A rumor came into my ears last week; and it came as a knife cutting in pieces my heart. A person, whom we thought was close to us, has been criticizing us for the way we deal with our precious "Alejandro". Because when we were asked to give him away, we never helped the family and we just forgot about them. People don't realize the pain and hurt we felt when we lost "Alex", people don't see the many nights we cried, the many night we asked God why?...The judge told us to give him back to his family and never return....
This Christmas will be very hard for me(and I know also for Paula), last year we were already making plans for "Alex" to arrive to our house.....It is still painful!!!...This makes me think that sometimes we are very easy to judge people, but do we know the pain inside of their heart? are we vulnerable enough to share our pains with friends and family? May His arms embrace us, so we can know that in Him we can rest.....

He finds me lovely

2007-12-10T19:11:00.000-06:00

Lovely

Let me tell you a story
Of a little boy who had lost his way
In search for something to make it a better day,
But all he seemed to find
Was a world of hurt and pain
And a place that didn't seem to care that he'd lost his way.
So the boy began to cry.
Yes, the boy began to cry.

Does anyone love?
Does anyone care?
Is anyone out there?
That finds me lovely
That fnds me lovely
That finds me lovely?

Just when the little boy had lost all hope
Well, along came a man that usshered him in.
He held him to his chest
and He said Little boy, it's time that you rest
He opened up His arms
And said, I've been searching for you for some time.
now, little boy, you have found a home
And now longer shall you roam
Then the man began to cry.
Yes, the man began to cry.

Don't you know I love you?
Don't you know I care?
And I will always be here,
And I find you lovely.
Yes, I find you lovely.
Yes I find you so so lovely.
I find you lovely...
Yes, I find you lovely
(written by Shawn McDonald you find it in itunes.)

"Yes" to Him

2007-12-10T14:11:00.000-06:00

Long time ago a teenage girl from a very religious family found herself in a very difficult situation. She was so afraid, so lonely; she didn't know what to do. What was she going to say to her parents? Oh my gosh!!! "I am pregnant!!!". His boyfriend was also scared, he didn't know what to do. "what everybody will think about us now?"-He will ask himself. Fear, doubts, unclear future was all in his mind. I can easily hear these two young fellows crying out to God. Suddenly the light, the hope, the faith appears to them as an angel and told them: "Do not fear!" With not knowing what their answer to God will bring, both of them say "YES" to God. I know most of the time our lives are a mess and we don't have clear direction where we are going, but today I just want to say "yes" to Him. I can hear Joseph and Mary singing this words to God, the same way I am singing them now, and may be the same way you may be singing it. May this song give you the peace of the angel of annunciation in your life.

I lay myself at Your feet, asking You won’t You meet
Won’t You meet us
I cannot do it on my own, I cannot do it all alone

Here I am, oh, tonight with my arms open wide
Won’t You come inside, won’t You come inside,
God come and fill this heart of mine
I want to yearn for you
I’m in need of You of Your touch, of Your life, of Your love
I need You
I need You

(Written by Shawn McDonald, if you want to see the VIDEO go to the right side of this blog and click on videos)

True Community

2007-12-07T19:07:00.000-06:00

I have been reading American History all these week getting ready for my final test, in one of the chapters I came to what Lyndon Johnson said as what his desire was for the United States was, "He viewed his landslide victory as a mandate for change. Anxious to leave his mark in history, he spoke of creating a great society for Americans in which the quality of our goals exceeded the quantity of our goods, a society in which poverty, ignorance, and discrimination no longer existed, and the spirit of true community prevailed"(American Passages 873). This was the year 1964...how far are we from this to happens?

Final English Project

2007-12-06T19:13:00.000-06:00

This is my final project for English 1020. The two essays are an imitation from Judy Brady's style in "I Want a Wife". The "I Want a Husband" is about the perfect husband according to myself in a honestly and humorous style. The "I Want a Pastor" was supposed to be a role that has left me frustrated or feeling unappreciated. These two essays gave me the opportunity to look at myself and the roles I play from another point of view, and it allowed me to vent my own frustrations about being unacknowledged but in an intention, non-ranting way.(words adapted from my English teacher) My teacher required us to present the essays in a real-world format, so in order for you to see these to essays you need to click in these two links:

Ridiculous Expectations

I Want A....

Enjoy them....and please tell me what do you think

Crying.....

2007-12-02T20:19:00.000-06:00

Even thou I taught about hope, even thou I encourage people today about seeing the small signs that God is giving us in the Advent season, when everybody left and in the silence of solitude....we cried, and an overwhelmed sadness came upon our hearts. To grief is part of the healing. Our hearts are grieving for the good friends and family. I think is the part of being broken before Him. May we Breath Him, in sadness, on suffering, in your own emptiness, so his Spirit can come and shine upon us in the midst of our darkness....is still hard to see Paula crying....and please don't take me wrong, we are so great full of all the families and individuals who are still part of the Connection family. I want to keep learning and I will keep moving forward because I know connection is not about how wonderful congregation we are, but about the connections we are making and how we can help each other to find God in the midst of our own journey.

First Sunday of Advent

2007-12-01T22:52:00.000-06:00

Sunday is the first day of Advent and as one who have decided to celebrate tradition I am amazed on how God speaks to my heart. First Sunday is usually the Sunday of Hope. The hope of His coming. Paula and I have been in a stage of, profound sadness, after the news of our friends leaving our family. For the last four days we have re-think our life and the time we spent with them. I go back and start to think every moment, and I start to martyrdom my mind: "If only I was, If only I said, If only I did". We haven't cried yet because we feel that if we do our hearts will brake in little pieces; but our soul has and by the end of this day we are feeling like we have cried a lot. I don't know if they realized how loved they are and how important they were for us, and if they really don't know it, then I ask myself what did I do?. The meditation for tomorrow from Henry Nouwen says, "in the midst of our Dark World we keep expecting loud and impressive events to convince us and others of God’s saving power…Our temptation is to be distracted by them…When we have no eyes for the small signs of God’s presence—the smile of a baby, the carefree play of a children, the words of encouragement and gesture of love offered by friends—we will always remain tempted to despair. The small child of Bethlehem, the unknown man of Nazareth, the rejected preacher, the naked man on the cross, he asks for our full attention. The work of our salvation takes place in the midst of a world that continues to shout, scream, and overwhelm us with its claims and promises. We welcome you, small child of Bethlehem, whose coming we await with quit attention. shield us from the shouts, the screams, the empty promises of the season, and encourage us to turn our hope to your coming. We know that the promise is hidden in the stable in Bethlehem and rooted in the offspring of Jesse; let us look for our salvation there. Amen."
A friend told me this morning, "Miguel you are not asking the right question, may be is not what did you do wrong? but what did you do right? My hope is that in the midst of their pain and uncertainty they can see the small signs of a smile, a care,a card, a phone call, the good moments we shared. May the hope of the poor condition of the stable feel our life with hope even in the midst of uncertain times.

Feliz Navidad

2007-11-30T22:44:00.001-06:00

It is always good to have a good sense of humor....FELIZ NAVIDAD!!!

Hey, I just made a total elf of myself. Check it out by clicking the link below.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1126496205

What did I do wrong?

2007-11-30T14:36:00.000-06:00

Last night I received the news that the family that started with us this crazy journey to establish a bilingual community is leaving with no motive whatsoever. It is not just "a family", these are my brother, sister and nieces. We have seen their girls growing up, we were with them in the hospital(for almost 12 hours) when the youngest was born. They call us "tio and tia"(Uncle and aunt in Spanish). We have shared our failures, frustrations, and brokenness with them. Last night I felt like my sibling was telling me that he didn't want to be part of my family anymore. They left leaving behind the strong aroma of their friendship, and may be...... the smell of my failure as a friend.

When I face "failure" is when I feel in the lowest stage in my life. Failure is like a shotgun into the deepest of my soul, and destroys the little self-confidence I was building. This is exactly the problem I face, as a person who wants to minister out of his brokenness and weakness, trying to build my own self-confidence through what others think about me. If is like every time a person tells me what a great job I am doing there is something in me that stands up; but when someone rejects me, something inside of me falls down. If I want to keep being a pastor that ministers out of his emptiness and vulnerability I have to believe that my self-confidence doesn't come from what others think what I should be; but of the simple fact that I am loved. If I could truly believe in my belovedness, my life will totally change. But to be honest I will still ask to myself why my friends left the community of Connection, and I will continue to struggle with my humanity asking: what did I do wrong?......

The aroma of good friendship

2007-11-28T15:19:00.000-06:00

A good friend is someone, that knowing even the worst of the worst about yourself, still loves you, who can tell you with a truthful heart the areas you need to improve, someone who believes in you even when you have stop believing in yourself, but most of all is someone who recognize his brokenness before Abba and knows that he needs my friendship the same way I need his. Today I smelled one more time the aroma of a good friend. I am amazed how God has allowed me to have these friends whom I can have different aromas and flavors; four men that has helped me in this journey. With Jeff I can dream and be youthful, with John I can be practical and make good decisions, with Tom I am loved as a son, and with Don I see the Spirit moving, and I can believe again in what Abba has for me. Four flavors different aromas, but each one of them brings growth into my life. This was a cry in my heart for many years and I am thankful I can call them an be myself with them: weak, imperfect, stubborn. Today I met with Don and he told me something I want to share with you. Don is a person who loves to study the Word and he shared with me the two lessons he has learned from Grace:

"1.- I can never do anything to earn God's favor. I don't have to do anything to earn God's favor.
2.- Grace means that I never have an excuse to be less than the best I can be. Grace working in me can overcome any sin or weakness"

I know about the first one, but to be honest, the second one it is the hardest thing for me to believe. Most of the time I feel less, and not because I am humble, but because literately I feel less as a person, as a pastor, as a husband, as a friend. I feel that I am not worth enough to be wherever God wants me to be, so I struggle not only with sin in my life, but with not believing more on me so "I won't have an excuse to be less than the best I can be". This brings me to the 3 temptations Jesus had, explained by Henri Nouwen from his book "The Selfless Way of Christ":

"The Temptation to be relevant, to do something that is needed and can be appreciated by people--to make productivity the basis of our ministry. This temptation is difficult to shake since it is usually not considered a temptation, but a call. We make ourselves believe that we are called to be productive, successful, and efficient people whose words and actions show that working for God's Reign is at least as dignified an occupation as working for any other company.
The temptation to be spectacular, to force God to respond to the unusual, the sensational, the extraordinary, the unheard of--and then to force people to believe. We have come to believe that a service is valuable when many attend, a protest or demonstration is worthwhile when television cameras are present, a study group is worth having when many want to be part of it, and a church is successful when many desires to become members. The more insecure, doubtful, and lonely we are, the greater our need for popularity and praise.
The temptation to be powerful, we can not imagine that any good can come from giving up power or not even desire it. Power can take many forms, but it is always the illusion that life is ours to dispose of."

As pastors and ministers, as members of a congregation, as lay speakers, as District Superintendents and Bishops, as Elders or Local pastors we face these 3 temptations all the time, and we feel that our worth will come when we can fulfill these three areas, I know that I can felt into this very easily. Thinking that my worth as a person, pastor or husband will come from being relevant, spectacular and powerful. Thinking that unless I fulfill these three areas I am being productive. So when I measure myself with other ministries and congregation, when I see the long process to become an Elder or try to be myself with my fellow ministers, when the position of a pastor has such a high stigma and when being broken, vulnerable and powerless is not a general rule; that is when friends like Jeff, John, Don and Tom can remind you that the call you have is given by Abba and that I don't have to do anything to earn God's favor. My question to you will be: Do you have friends in you life where you can be spiritually naked and still know that you are loved? May the aroma of good friends fill your life in every step in your journey towards the cross.

The thorn..a remainder of His grace

2007-11-27T09:48:00.000-06:00

The phrase "God hate the sin and love the sinner" is a very condemning phrase, how can the sinner be separated from the sin? I can not separate from sin, it is in my human nature. I can try to do everything I can to be separated it from me, but all my intentions are worthless. If I was able to separate from my sin then why do I needed a Saviour? If I was able to take away my sin so God can love me more, then why the need of Christ's blood?God loves me the way I am, a sinner who do acts of sin. Brennan Manning will say, "Hatred of the impostor is actually self-hatred. The impostor and I constitute one person. Accepting the reality if our sinfulness means accepting our authentic self."

I, Miguel, have a thorn who keep remained me about how week and how easily I can fall into believing what I don't want to be. A thorn that was placed in me--not exactly why--but I know I will have to live with it until I see the face of Christ. My heart knows it belongs to Abba, my thorn pinches me and tortuous me taking me to believe in the impostor-a life of pretense--a wonderful, magnificent, incredible, joyful, without battles-life. But the Spirit of the Risen one keeps pulling me towards Abba, keeps reaching to my hands so I can hold it and be moved towards Him. Meanwhile the impostor in his need of acceptance, value, and self-worth keeps trying to convince me that I haven't changed. That's right I haven't changed, I am still a sinner who sins; but His Spirit keeps speaking to my soul, to my spirit saying: my son, I love you just the way you are, I know you weakness, I know your heart. You are in my hands....

"Abba Father, it gives us joy to know that as Your children we can speak honestly with You any time, any place, under any circumstance. We don't not have to wear masks but can come to you openly, dirty and ragged, with all our sins and brokenness. Thank you for Your all covering grace through Jesus Christ. Amen"
Brennan Manning

What's your theological worldview?

2007-11-26T15:21:00.000-06:00

I took this quiz, and this is me:

You scored as a Emergent/Postmodern

You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

79%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

68%

Neo orthodox

46%

Classical Liberal

46%

Reformed Evangelical

39%

Roman Catholic

29%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

25%

Modern Liberal

14%

Fundamentalist

11%

You are loved

2007-11-26T11:53:00.000-06:00

It's like someone's calling out to me, only some of us can hear it.
August Rush

Paula and I went to see August Rush last night, a beautiful fairy tale about an orphan prodigy boy who has a wonderful gift on music. He knows his parents are out there and he knows that music will lead him to them. You know I feel like that with God-Abba, His music is calling me and only I can hear it. Only some will heart it. Why? because there is something inside telling me to seek Him, not because I am holier, not because I have all the answers, not because I know what to do; but because I want to hear His voice in my ear whispering: "you are loved"

"It is all around us, the only thing you have to do is listen"
(August Rush)

Ode to Love

2007-11-20T16:08:00.000-06:00

While reading a blogging-friend, I was reminded of true love and this is what I commented about his post:

"Why is that we desire that intimate and deep relationship not only with God but with others? It is within us, part of our nature as human begins. True and real intimacy. The same intimacy that Adam and Eve had in the beginning and the true intimacy we can have now in Christ.I have experienced that love you are talking about, not only from God but from the person who was placed on earth to practice that love to me. A person that can give love without limits, without asking in return, forgiving even the most horrible and destructive of the offenses: selfishness. She has loved me, encouraged me, believed in me, she has given me her hand, her tears, her shoulders, her heart. A safe place where I can be myself, broken, imperfect, selfish, immature. She has been my only best friend I have had: Paula, my wife. I don't know how many men can say that their best friend is their wives. I can because I have lived through it. She has helped me to be even more intimate with other men who now have become close friends. Thanks for sharing what this brother has been to you, this generation is seeking for people willing to show themselves.....Breath "

Nothingness

2007-11-20T14:54:00.000-06:00

"Surrender your poverty and acknowledge your nothingness to the Lord. Whether you understand it or not. God loves you, is present in you, live in you, dwells in you, calls you, saves you and offers you an understanding and compassion which are like nothing you have ever found in a book or hear in a sermon" (Thomas Merton) How can I talk about nothingness when I feel empty? Exactly! We need to be empty in order to feel our nothingness before God. I was asked today: "so Miguel how are you doing in your battle with yourself?" I thought to myself, well I think the battle is always there, all of us have different battles. I battle constantly about my identity: who am I? I battle about my self-worth: am I valuable? am I making a difference?I battle with my faith: Lord, where are you taking me? I am not defined by what I battle. I don't cope with it. I don't put it away and ignore it. Ignoring it will be put it away in the closet of closeness. It is not something I can just surrender to God, because it is not a bad habit. It is part of me, within me, running through my vains, my thoughts, my unworthiness, my lack of confidence. It is not if I overcome it or not, but it is on how much I have dwell in Him in order to empty myself and be in a state of nothingness. To be able to do this I need to know that I am the beloved one. I am on the the journey to find myself in that stage. I haven't reached it yet, but I know I walking towards it. "I knew there was only one place to go. I sank down into the center of my soul, grew still, and listened to the Rabbi's heartbeat"(B. Manning)

Writing a book

2007-11-17T23:17:00.000-06:00

I just bought four new books, two from Nouwen, one from Merton and one from Yaconelli. I have been so hungry to read lately--that may be just for the year 2007-- I have read almost 20 books plus the one I have read at school. I was today at Books A Million trying to get on my hands more books about Judaisms, the Mother Teresa and American History.My mind is already fried and I want to burn it. So many books, so many things to learn. But today for the first time a thought came into my mind: I couple of weeks ago I read in a friend's blog if we have room for failure? Most of the writers of good books are successful in the eyes of everybody else, why we can not read book of unsuccessful people? people that have failed? or just people with no big titles. Well after my last post and a very close failure of my first class at University; today I have decided to write a book.(yes I want to be one of the 1,000,000,000,000,000 writers out there, the difference is that nobody knows me). I have the title already; now as my blog friend Megan says, now I just need to write 500,000 words.......simple right!! Today I had a good day date with Paula......

Emptiness

2007-11-13T10:27:00.001-06:00

If I don't see what I have in front of me, and I cannot see in faith what God has for me....what is the result: Blindness. I feel in a state of blindness. I used to have all these new ideas and visions, I used to dream about the future and what this future would look like. The result of that was the start of the Hispanic movement in the district where I have served. Even though I gave my life to that dream little by little I felt left behind. I want to stand up and say: enough!, Miguel you need to re-gained your strength and keep moving, you need to start dreaming again, you need to start having visions, but I don't know how to start, where to go, or what to do. I feel that what I had, I gave away and now I don't know what else to give. I would like to be able to see but honestly I can not. is this what failure feels? Founding myself in a place of spiritual, personal, and ministry discontentment. Or is this part of God taking me to the dessert, to a place of not control, to a place of emptiness?

Bleed!

2007-11-06T19:00:00.000-06:00

Powerful words!!.....

Would you forgive me?

2007-11-06T16:37:00.000-06:00

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little.

Stuart Mill

What great quote! I read this while studying for my English class. It seems like it could be the definition for ignorance. And let me tell you I have to recognize that I have been extremely ignorant and prideful. Yes! I am a very stubborn Mexican guy. Ouch!! This morning God spoke to my life through someone I have never thought I was going to be taught. Yes this is to be prideful!! when you say to yourself, "I don't have nothing to learn from this or that person".If I want to be willing to listen to the new generation, I need to be willing to listen even to the ones I don't want to listen.
Today we had our ministers meeting and the person who gave the teaching talked about a taxi driver who decided not to complain anymore about his life and started to enjoy every day. He took care of his clients like no taxi driver has ever done it. He offered drinks and a variety of music to listen. His life was changed because he decided to be an eagle instead of a duck. Eagles will fly, ducks will cuack and complain.
You see, I have been complaining all these years about what I don't have, on what I wish I could have, on what I would like to become. My Rabbi teaches that I need to humble myself every day........oh my Lord! How far I am from that!! I need to ask you for forgiveness, because I have been thinking all about me, and that is why my heart is in starvation. Would you forgive me?

Talk about Realness

2007-11-02T12:40:00.001-05:00

Leadership Group of Connection....... Talk about realness...

Pharisaic Christians

2007-10-31T12:48:00.001-05:00

I read this in one of the blogs I like Yes, I prefer uphill : "*In my old Bible study, we were going to have T-shirts made that said, “Pharisaic Bitches From Hell.” We realized that as much as we wanted to be good and follow Jesus, we kept acting like Pharisees at least half of the time. The “from hell” part wasn’t maybe the best theology, but we thought it was funny. Actually, I still think it’s funny. But I also still laugh when someone farts."

I laughed so hard when I read this because, how much real this can be? not a lot. I think I will get the idea and also make t-shirts for Connection: "Pharisaic Christian.....most of the time thou, and I still fart". Don't you think it will be so funny? then in front of the t-shirt the logo of the congregation. I remember a friend of Jeff from Poets that said: "sometimes the Church needs to be shocked". I am tired of trying to be polite and to be expected to speak properly, specially around Church people...nah!! Let's be real! Paula(my wife) can let you know that with her I am extremely real on my way I talk, sometimes too explicit. We need to start praying the prayer of Saint Alejo (sorry but I cannot explain this prayer to you unless is by phone, e-mail or in person). I did explain it to my friend John in Smithville, he and his wife have adopted the prayer. It is just about being real!!!! ...and yes I am a pedorro!!!

When the coin goes down!!

2007-10-30T10:22:00.000-05:00

In Mexico we have a saying, "por fin te cayo el veinte" (when the coin goes down) Let me explain it to you. We used to have public telephones cabins where you went and grabbed the handle, deposited a coin and dialed, as soon as the other end answered the coin will go down connecting you with the person you wanted to talked. We use this phrase when something has clicked in our mind, in our life, and suddenly we realized is there. Well, "por fin me cayo el veinte". (my coin has gone down). Last Saturday we have a "quinceañera" celebration. A quinceañera celebration in the Hispanic community is when a girl goes from being a girl and becomes a woman. It is a big celebration full of music, special dances, great food and most of all the enormous joy of the family and friends on welcoming a girl into the world of womanhood.

One of the most beautiful things I saw during all this festivity is when Sami (the girl who was celebrated) chose Rockey and Jamie (an American family) to be her godparents. When asked why she chose them, she said, "if something happens to my parents, I would choose them as my new parents" or when Rockey and Sami sang together or when I saw Rockey (the president of El Grupo, the leadership team of Connection) dancing with Malena (a very funny lady) ,or when Sam (19 year old) was invited to join Sami's escorts and dance an waltz with her.WOW!!I saw what Connection has been all about. All these people not worrying about what others will say. What a great testimony to others! Then it got me!!!! I LOVE THIS COMMUNITY!!! I love these people, people we can be real with our flaws and imperfections, where we can ask even if it sounds ridiculous, where we can dance and celebrate......and yet love God with what we can!!! This time of stuckness has brought me life and understanding that we are not growing in numbers but we are growing in deepness. Deepness of friendship, connecting cultures, races, generations. I am so blessed to be the pastor of all these people. (whether I believe I have a call to be a pastor or not) A place where we don't have to have all the things together, all the answers or the strategies. It is just a group of messy people finding God in their own journey. Leaving behind our differences of language, idiosyncrasy, status quo, theology and enjoy life together.........and guess what? Julia Wiant, Lee's daughter wants a quinceañera and she is not even Hispanic....well this is the beauty of building bridges, and for Julia there is not difference. This is what Connection is all about.

Searching for the aroma

2007-10-28T23:49:00.000-05:00

"Our goal should be able to get people to 'this' point, right now in this coffeehouse" This statement was shared to me while having a morning coffee. What was the point he was talking about? To a place where we can be ourselves, open to share our fears, our doubts about God and people, our questions. A place where we can have coffee knowing that we don't have to pretend we are more spiritual than the other person, or we know more about 'The Word'. How can I brake the gap between the newer generations? How can I show myself more real, more human, more me?

Underground Café(Underground Congregation)

2007-10-25T14:22:00.000-05:00

What about a congregation that is a free medical clinic, a coffee-restaurant , an after school program, a weekend Peña(live music, wine and dancing), a "tapas" place( appetizers place), a place that instead of a sermon where a person talks and everybody listen, is a teaching where everybody learns together, where there is not a pulpit and chairs, but sofas, tables and breakfast, I mean full-breakfast! Where you have teachings in Spanish and English and a time of worship bilingually. Where you can have Latin-American Friday nights, blues and jazz nights, open-mic nights. Where people can come and learn Spanish, English, dancing (salsa, folklore or classical), drawing, sculpture, guitar,piano lessons and about God. Where it is not about Sundays, where we wont go to church, but we go to become the church. What about a congregation that is about restoration instead of self-preservation. What about a place were we can be ourselves, just the way we are hypocrites, imperfect, loud, weak, people with hunger for spirituality, thirsty for God.Where you may be have a pastor who doesn't know how to teach and a teacher who knows who to be a pastor. Where people won't expect anything from one single person but as everybody else in the group. A place with not programs but activities. Do you think people will be interested in something like this?

Stuckness

2007-10-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

Please also read:uncomplicated spirituality

Paula was sharing with me Sunday evening before we went to the Brian Symphony the way a book described the way she has been feeling lately; and it also describes my own feelings. By the way I have always thought and at the same I was taught that if you don't grow in your Christianity then you probably doing something wrong. Let me share this words from the book Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli: "Most Christians consider being stuck a sign of failure or burnout. If you are stuck in your spiritual life, you aren't doing something right, because dedicated Christians should never be stuck. Nothing could be more untrue. Actually, getting stuck is the prerequisite to getting unstuck. Getting stuck is a great moment, a summons, a call from within, the glorious music of disaffection and dissatisfaction with out place in life. Getting stuck can be the best thing that could happen to us, because it forces us to stop. Sometimes being stuck is the low point and we say, 'okay, I give up'. We cannot grow without first giving up and letting go. Getting stuck forces us to see the futility of our situation and put life in the perspective so that we can move on. When we are stuck, we're much more likely to pay attention to our hunger for God and the longings and yearnings we have stifled. 'Being stuck is a necessary stopping place where we can regroup, regain strength and move on" Do you think this could change the way I feel about being stuck?.......what are your thoughts?

Re-Thinking

2007-10-16T18:56:00.000-05:00

I am again in the painful process of writing my second essay for my English class. Every time I start this process my mind has to re-think. I say "re-think" because I love to write....but in Spanish....so in order to write good essays I have to think and think again until I get some words pushing out from the deepest part of my brain, trying so hard to come out, pushing away all the brain tissue so they can jump into the flow of the ink. This process gets me tired because I can spend hours and my pen will not move at all!!! The ink dries out and my mind gets closed up. I don't know why I have so much trouble being able to write.....Please can somebody help me!!! because if I could only say:

La palabra es el instrumento de las ideas transportadas hacia un infinito nuevo de frases. Unas cortas otras profundas. Palabras que van mas alla de nuestro cuerpo, más alla del mover continuo de la mano que hacen que las letras se formen con el color negro de la tinta. Escribir es el espacio de lo que no podemos ver pero que dibujamos en medio de nuestra mente. Dibujos que reviven al tocar la hoja y llegan a convertirse en palabras, que al unirse hacen historias e historia. La historia de una vida......historias de una vida llena de palabras..

(sorry if you can not understand!!!)

Friends and Shrimp

2007-10-13T23:07:00.000-05:00

Today we invited good friends to have dinner with us. Paula was a little concerned because the house was a mess. Then we realized that when people come to our house, we need not to worry about the estate of it; if we have a mess they will realize we are as normal as we everybody else. So we invited John and Becky Perdue, John is a United Methodist Pastor in the city of Smithville, but John and Becky are extremely real when they are around us and around everybody else. They are from Kentucky so as soon as they arrived to the house they asked us to turn on the TV because the University of Kentucky was playing. Becky was screaming, jumping around, calling desperately to her son, she was a real character. OH MY!!! wait when she realized her team beat LSU....she screamed so loud that I couldn't hear for the rest of the evening, she started to run around the room, called her son, jumped for a whole minute, then she came and collapse at the sofa saying: "I cannot believe it, I cannot believe it"(with a very strong Mexican accent, because she loves Mexican accent) How real is that!! We have dinner, couple of red wine, shrimps, play uno, and laughed together. I am grateful for their friendship, it is like being at home. Coming together and be myself with our friends reminds me about the friendship I have with Abba, can I spend an evening with Him just being myself? Abba can I play uno with you? Friends and Shrimp made my day today!

Wearing A Halo

2007-10-11T22:54:00.000-05:00

Brennan Manning says, “Simple, my dear fellow! Your trouble is you have your halo on too tight. All we need to do is to loosen it a bit. The trouble with our ideals is that if we live up to all of them, we become impossible to live with. The tilted halo of the saved sinner is worn loosely and with easy grace. We have discovered that the cross accomplished far more than revealing the love of God. (The Ragamuffin Gospel) Today I was in a meeting of “pastors” and let me tell you on that table our halos were extremely tight. nobody wanted to go deeper, nobody wanted to show vulnerability. Everybody talked about their churches, about people coming to Christ, about the next meeting......but I did and the silence was extremely silence. How the silence be extremely silence? well, it is the result of being vulnerable……we want intimacy in the Church, but without vulnerability…..IMPOSSIBLE, if we keep wearing our halos on the super tight position. Do you think I will open again on that table after what I saw today? When I opened my heart; I was just opening my heart for everybody to listen and pray(because that's what they were asking), but the halo of some of them came to the rescue, and they came out with good advices for me. Why people think that when you share your heart they need to come back with an advice? Why we can not just listen?. I desire a place of intimacy, a place I can be myself, a place I can share my heart.......then I remembered....Connection is a safe place for vulnerability
By the way, where is your halo?

One More Thing to be Thankful

2007-10-09T22:57:00.000-05:00

Well what can I tell you, Connection is a un-church, out of the box place where we have been meeting for the last two years. Sometimes we have a place to meet, sometimes we have a house, sometimes we have a band, sometimes we have tables, sometimes we sing as angels, sometimes you really don't want to listen to us!, sometimes we have a big crowd, sometimes we are only a few, but the most important thing is that we have each other. Connection is a group of people American and Hispanics getting together and becoming the church. I, of course, am the one who started this crazy stuff that sometimes I feel the most inadequates person to be leading it, but the friends and family I have gained, the tears and joys I have experienced, the frustrations and excitements I have endured are not to be take away from me. People are tired of Institutional religion, because let me tell you even in your house you will be organized. Institutional is what keeping people to really and truly find God. We are a group where everybody can come and BE the church with all the imperfections, flawless, weaknesses, and adventures. And with a “cerveza” in our hand, we can say “Salud!(cheers)” and invite people to our table. People in the other side of the ocean take very seriously when they invite a person to eat with them at their house. They are not only sharing a meal, but their are sharing their friendship, their are offering a close relationship with them. Isn’t that what Jesus did in the last supper?....Hey!! people from Connection if your read this: THANK YOU VERY MUCH for giving me the opportunity to serve you.

List of things and people that make me think: Man I am so blessed!

2007-10-09T00:23:00.001-05:00

Gratefulness

My beautiful and most loving friend and wife: Paula
God, Christ and the Holy Spirit
My mommy and daddy
My in laws, believe it or not...
The good friends that has become a family

John and Carrie Limbacher
Jeff, Denise, Madison and baby Robert Streszoff
Dunn's family
Cesar, Jessica, Camila and Larissa Rios
Ponce's family
Ovando's family
The funny one Doña Malena
Roxanna Newberry , Jason and Warren and Tony
Don and Jackie Ragland
Dino and Catherine Cates
Tom and Gail Halliburton
Max Mayo
John and Becky Perdue
John and Stasia Nielsen
Joanna
Rockey and Jaime Talley
The Perez Family in Mexico
Omar and Heidi and their children
Ivan Figueroa and their children
Juan Carlos y Ceci Barreto
Lidia from Peru
Pam Wihtmore
The Hall's Family
The Talley's
The Baranosky's
For Jim and Molly
Chris Barns
Eric Ragland

The beautiful house we live
The cars we have
Connection

for the worship band
the prayer ladies
the guys group

For my life
For the opportunity to go to Tennessee Technological University
For the opportunity of living in The United States
For my family

My sister Maria and her husband Fernando and their children
My brother Eugenio and his wife Marcela and their children
All my 20 nieces and nephews and their children
My nanny: Cuquita
The son we had for one month: Alex.

For my sight
For the use of my hands
Because I breath.......yeah!!
BECAUSE I AM ALIVE..............

In the middle of the desert

2007-10-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

If I find myself in the middle of the desert with no water, no way to go, nor a compass, not a map. If I have walked hundreds of miles, and my strength is almost gone. I have sweat all my inner water. My sight is almost gone. Do you think I may wonder about how did I ended up there? Do you think I will start thinking what did I do wrong? Do you think I will wonder if I am in the will of God?......well I am finding myself in this situation, just in the middle of nowhere, with no clear direction. With not even one single option but to stay in this dry, harsh, and difficult place. We(Paula and I) are not even going to be able to go to Paula's brother wedding this coming Saturday. (not because we don't want, or because we don't have enough money, just because we can not leave this country) It is totally out of our control.

Well exactly the way we feel with the wedding, I feel in this desert. I am dying of thirst and hunger. am I in the will of God? I really think so. I don't know with what purpose, but I am truly sure that all this is about empty myself so He can be my whole and I am so far of that!!So I still be thirsty, hungry and lost until I can find my wholeness in Him. Jesus went to the desert, Paul waited almost 8 years to do ministry, so I pray: God empty my life, Christ empty my life, Holy Spirit empty my life.

Franciscan Benediction

2007-09-28T12:02:00.001-05:00

I found this prayer that I wanted to share with you almost 3 weeks ago when at Connection I prayed, "may your lives be messed up, may your lives be uncomfortable, so you seek Him in the midst of your emptiness" Today while reading a blog from the Life Mission Pastor at Granger Community Church (that by the way is a United Methodist Church). Read with your heart:

Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers,
half truths, and superficial relationships,
so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice,
oppression, and exploitations of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those
who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in this world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

The Challenge and beauty of Writing

2007-09-28T10:06:00.000-05:00

Let me share with you a little segment of my first Essay for English 1020 class. Let me tell you, I worked so hard for this that my eyes are filled with words and my mind is almost ready to be committed. I wake up this morning so nervous and with the words of my teacher inside of me resounding,"everybody who pass my class, is a very good writer". I worked on this essay more than 50 hours, that's right!! It cost me so much, why? because...let me explain it to you. When I took English 1010 I loved it because I love to write. But I believe I am more into narratives, descriptions, on making alive things that are not. Like sharing the feelings of an uncomfortable chair..."I have been a chair all my life, since I was a little, I remember being uncomfortable and so and so"...I think I am a poet without poetry. But English 1020 is more about formal writing. Our first essay was persuasion. Oh my gosh!! just the word persuade scared me. For 3 weeks my mind was struggling, even to the point of giving up. But one day I stoop up and say: enough! I won't be afraid of writing, I will work, I will do my best.(just ask my wife Paula how writing stole a bunch of time with her). Today I presented my essay in front of my teacher and another classmate. My voice was shaking inside, my hands were sweating; I arrived early just to read it at loud one more time. The clicking of the clock sounded like the big bells of the Cathedral of my home town in Mexico. I made a small prayer.....and there you go!!........"....coffee and the smell of it, is a way of inspiration, an instrument that elevates my thoughts and helps me contemplate what I have ahead. Having a cup of coffee, while I am seated in a local coffee shop is not about drinking; it is about being present in the rush of a community....taking this information in consideration, hopefully you can see how coffee consumption is, in fact, becoming a silent leak for many families. Maybe even you as a reader have not notices it in your own life, but it is present, coming out from the walls of your budget as a small leak or rapidly becoming a broken pipe."

The title was: The Silent Leak. And just so you know I am writing this post with cup of grande latte.....isn't coffee wonderful?

A Beautiful Prayer

2007-09-27T20:58:00.001-05:00

"May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is the Father, Son and Spirit. And today on planet Earth, may you experience the wonder and beauty of yourself as Abba's child and temple of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Lord"
Brennan Manning

TOMALA!!

2007-09-27T16:20:00.000-05:00

Today I started the Life Journal again. I quit doing it when I got ill back in June even though I am still on recovery after almost 100 days. My soul and spirit were hungry so I say enough is enough let me keep moving forward. I was slapped by His word, "is there anyone here who saw the temple the way it used to be, all glorious? And what do you see now? Not much right? So get to work! God is speaking" (Haggai 2:3-5) BUMM!! ZAZ!! in Spanish we say, ¡TOMALA!(take it!!). This is God saying to me, because I represent the temple, Get to work!!. Even with all my church ideas,Get to work!, but I don't know how, Get to work!, but I don't know what else to do, Get to work! God is Speaking

Music, my joy

2007-09-27T10:13:00.000-05:00

Music for me is a joy. I am taking a music appreciation class at TTU that I am really enjoying. I found this video and was a sweet sound to my ears....I hope you can enjoy it as I did. Today I am finishing my first English Essay, so I will be extremely busy....don't forget to pray for me....

is it worth it?

2007-09-26T10:46:00.000-05:00

"Have you ever wanted to be someone else?
Have you ever wanted just to be someone?
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams?
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems?"
Shawn McDonnald

I have wanted to be someone else or even to reach my dreams, and you know lately I have asked God the question: "what is your purpose for me to be here? is it worth it? Paula and I were eating last night and of course she was sharing with me her desire to go to her brother's wedding next week. We haven't being able to go back to Mexico in six years because when we go to the process to become permanent residence, we can not leave the country. We still believe that we will get that on October 4th, but what if we don't get anything. We will miss the wedding like I have missed my dad's 80th birthday and my two nieces' weddings. Another time without being with our family whom we loved. So I asked her, "Paula if we cannot go, would you cry?" Of course she said yes and we asked ourselves one more time: is this worth it?
This makes me cry and I know that will make Paula cry too.

Relationships

2007-09-25T19:30:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes we are afraid of new challenges, but never be afraid of new relationships. The open door for God to move is always a possibility"

I have been extremely busy lately, not because I have a lot of "church" stuff, because if I say this I will be lying(if this is how you spell to lie? oh my gosh I need grammar classes, so what am I doing at TTU?). Any way, how can I do "church" stuff without everybody else from Connection? Isn't "church" when we get everybody together? so the phrase, "working for the church" it is kind of weird; I think will sound better to say "working with the church". If I keep writing about this subject I better write on my new blog (that you are invited to go and read) Uncomplicated Spirituality

This is about new relationships. Today I think, I was surprised by a call from a guy who responded to my urgent call for a worship leader to Connection. I don't know if he felt the same, but after I talked to him for a couple of minutes, I felt like I have known him for a while. It is like the Spirit moving through a simple phone call. I don't know if his place will be here among us; but what I can know is that, "the open door for God to move is always a possibility". Last April I send an e-mail to a couple of pastors seeking guidance, and I finish the e-mail with these same words: "if you think this e-mail is weird, may be is God saying give it a try". To this e-mail two people responded and one of them is Mark Nelson, a pastor in Knoxville Tennessee whom I have been talking since then and just 3 weeks ago we were having coffee together. This coming Sunday we will be worshiping with him and his congregation.

What happened today made me realized that one of things I haven't lost are relationships. In the last six years I have gained so many new friends and these friends have become a family to me and Paula. This is what "church" is all about: Relationship with God and with each other.

I am the part of the Church

2007-09-18T21:39:00.000-05:00

I don't go to church, I go to become the church. Church is not a place we go, church is when a broken, imperfect human being get together with another broken and imperfect human being to share the bread together, to help each other and to learn more about God. What do you think about this?

What is Sucess?

2007-09-18T19:19:00.001-05:00

What is success in the eyes of Christ? Can somebody tell me? I found myself asking that. I am 37 years old and I felt that my life hasn’t been successful. But I would like to think beyond what I see as success, I would like to think that way so I can say to myself: “Miguel, it is ok, you are doing ok!” But then I go back to my reality and my reality tells me, “You haven’t done anything, have you? You are supposed to be a leader but know one is following you, you are supposed to start a church, so where is it, you don’t even have a B.A. Degree, you don’t own a house, you don’t have children. Where is your life heading?” Yes of course if you read this could sound very depressing, but I am not. I am just asking myself many questions because I want to know what I am doing to change the way I feel. I have read many books that have deepened my spirituality. I have learned from many authors that religion goes beyond what we call “church” today. The words of Christ have messed up my life. Is success is in the eyes of Christ to have a big church? Is success in the eyes of Christ to have followers when you are a leader? Is success in the eyes of Christ to have a bachelor degree?...you know, there has to be something more of what we are right now and what we have, and I know that I don’t have to wait to get to heaven to get it. But at the same time I don’t know where to look for it. What if success is to have a life totally wasted, or to have an unsuccessful leadership, or to never own anything? Wait! this is what I read from Christ: “…Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat; I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?” Successful equal self-sacrifice. Is my life successful then? My prayer is, “Lord make my life a mess, Lord make me feel uncomfortable, take away everything and I mean everything that won’t lead me to self-sacrifice even if is “church”, and teach me….please I need to be taught.

We are the church

2007-09-13T17:32:00.000-05:00

Two days ago a leader from the United Methodist Church called me to see if he could come and spend a couple of hours with me. You know I think I have passed the limit of burnout and my leadership hasn't help a lot. So when I received this call I was going to say, "no thank you", but I am not a person who can easily say that kind of responses. Joaquin Garcia came to visit me and of course my good friend John Purdue was with him. What surprised me the most was not for Joaquin to come and visit me, but for him to come and listen. He didn't came to give me an advice, he didn't come to tell me what I was doing wrong; he came to listen. Yeah! that's right, he came just to listen. Let me tell you, I talked and talked but I decided not to cry, why? because I have cried so much that, to be honest, my prideful spirit stop me to do so. Why am I so discouraged and frustrated? why do I feel that I haven't done anything? why do I feel there are not fruits to the ministry we are doing?....I am tired of feeling this way, and for the first time I have accepted that may be my future is not serving as a pastor. The bureaucracy of the church has drained the passion of my spirit and I don't want to end my life waiting for the be retired and frustrated and empty.
My fulfillment in Christ doesn't come from making sure I have a position at the church, or investing my life on studying a Master in Divinity. I have realized that I can be in ministry as I study in the University and I don't have to grow the church, because we are the church.

Very easy spirit

2007-09-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

You probably don't know but I am a dedicated tennis fan, during the year I love to watch Roland Garros at Paris, Wimbledon at London, USA Open series and The USA Open at New York. This week the USA open has been on, so I have been watching the beauty of tennis. Today I saw the new generation: Novak Djokovic playing a great match against the Spaniard David Ferrer (6-4,6-4,6-3) who also played a tremendous game after defeating his fellow citizen Rafael Nadal (whose interview after the game last 3 minutes compare to Djokovic that last 11minutes).
Djokovic (from Serbia) is not only a great player but also has a great and easy spirit of humility. He is not only wining with technique and strength but also. with charisma. He will be playing Roger Federer (Wimbledon's five consecutive winner) the 2007 USA final. For Djokovic will be his first Grand Slam final. Justine Henin won the women's final. Tennis for me is like listening to a Beethoven's music, it has a lot of strength but also there is beauty in every stroke or note. I really enjoy watching tennis!!!!

Searching

2007-09-08T10:17:00.001-05:00

In the on going search of myself......Hello!! Hello!!! has anybody seen myself?........I think I lost me (if is even spell this way) I like when Joana makes list of things, so I am going to try to make mine, here I go:
Things I have lost:
* My direction
* My energy to do ministry
* My hope for Institutional Church
* Hope in people
* 8lbs in five weeks
* The daily relationship with my parents
* My relationships with my siblings
* The love of serving
* The search of passionate people
* Hope in myself
* Dear friends left behind in Mexico
* My purpose in ministry
* My passion...I know is there but I have misplaced it
* The love of hiking and swimming
* The nights with friends( in Mexico)
* The heart for missions
* The loving people of the mountains of Veracruz
* My heart to change
* The meaning of ministry
* The joy of ministry

Just a beer!

2007-08-29T20:17:00.000-05:00

I started school at Tennessee Tech University(TTU) and I am so happy to be able to finally be in this university. I have been enjoying my classes, I know, this is only my third day, you should ask me in a couple of weeks. I walk every morning from my house to school so that is giving me a time by myself , then I enter to the world of the University and the thousands of students walking around...amazing how many people. But you know like my t-shirt that I am wearing today says, "money can't buy you happiness, but can buy you a beer and that's is close enough". We need to find the humor and simplicity to life and enjoy it.

Ask a Mexican

2007-08-25T11:28:00.001-05:00

I am reading a very interested book I found in the bookstore called: ask a Mexican. It is a compilation of questions asked by Gabachos through out the local newspaper and answered by the author. It is pretty funny, some words will be a little bit heavy for a closed minded!! but if you don't mind it will be a good and funny way to know more about Mexican culture and many more....Here is some examples:( some of the questions are pretty dumb but they were really asked!!!!)
Why do Mexicans always cram into a small car?
Dear Gabacho:Because a burro can't support more than three people.
Why do Mexicans park their cars on the front lawn?
Dear Gabacho:Where do you want us to park them, menso? The garage we rent out to a family of five? The backyard where we put up our recently immigrated cousins in tool-shacks-cum-homes? The street with red curbs recently approved by city planners? The driveway covered with construction material for the latest expansion of la casa? The nearby school parking lot frequented by cholos on the prowl for a new radio? Menso, the lawn is the only spot Mexicans can park their cars without fear of break-ins, drunken crashes, or an unfortunate keying.
How come Mexicans play soccer and not real sport like hockey or football?
Dear Gabacho: because soccer involves more running, and how else will we train for the midnight run across the U.S.-Mexico border?
As a Mexican, aren't you embarrassed and ashamed that probably the number one dream of people in Mexico is to sneak illeagelly into the United States, a gringo gabaucho society that is probably not one-tenth as corrupt as Mexico, which enables it to have an economy which has so much wealth even the poor people here have twenty-seven-inch color TVs?
Dear Gabacho: As an American, aren't you embarrassed that you can't write proper English--or as you may spell it, Inglich? "illeagelly"? "Gabaucho"? what country are you from? I know teenagers fresh from Jalostotitlán who spell better.
What is about the word illegal that Mexicans don't understand?
Dear Gabacho: Take your pick, Mines. Mexicans don't understand the word illegal because (A) when paying their gardeners, nannies, busboys, and factory workers in cash (and forgetting to withhold payroll taxes), U.S. employes don't seem to understand the word illegal, so why should Mexicans?.......

My dad is doing much better

2007-08-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

After two bypasses ,lots of worry and of course prayers, I talked to my dad this morning and he sounded pretty good. His last surgery was last August 23rd the bypass on the leg. He kept telling me that he was feeling like never before and he kept thanking me and telling me how much he loves me. I, as always, started to tease with him and I told him that he was less "jodido" a word that the Guatemalans used a lot and I prefer not to translate(so you have to use your dictionary), but understand that for the Guatemalans is not the same as the translation you will see. I love my dad's sense of humor and he has always tell me that without a good sense of humor we will die sooner. I want to thank everyone who has been praying for my dad and I asked to keep praying for us and all the process of immigration so we can go to Mexico and visit my dad after almost six years without being in Mexico.

I would like to be by

I would like to be beside you,
In your aroma.
I would like to be beside you,
In your heart.
I would like to be beside you,
close to you.
I would like to be besides you,
listening.
I would like to be beside you,
going through…..
I would like to be beside you,
Because your aroma reminds me the many mornings
I laid down on the bed waiting for mom to come back from el mercado.
I would like to be beside you,
Because from your heart you can shine the life
of a man who gave everything for his familia.

Because when I am close to you I can travel to beautiful places
through out the music you taught me to listen,
with the words you taught me to enjoy;
with the many books, poems, words coming from your deepest side,
words of a bohemian.

I would like to be beside you,
and listen to your stories, stories of pain and desperation.
Stories that never became words because you never spoke about them.
Words in silence, reflected by your eyes, in the darkness of the room.

Going through your life in the distance is a gift,
a gift I have learned to enjoy through the Man of the Cross.
I would like to be besides you so I can show you the man you have forged;
but the distance is my major enemy.

I know for sure that when you take time to thank the Man of the Cross,
He will tell you about me in the same way He speaks to me about you.

(poem written to my dad in his first surgery, translated by author)

Missional Church

2007-08-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

What do you think about this?

To be a Church without being "a church"

2007-08-23T10:17:00.000-05:00

Connection is going through a change and it is during this change that I have been thinking a lot. I was wondering the other day how can we fulfill the purpose of the church without being "a church". Because I know that we are not only Sunday Services, but it seems that we concentrate too much only on Sunday. If we want to be a different "church" we need to think why we need to be different. There are already more than 50 churches in town and all of them offers many programs plus many Sunday services. Is the "church" about programs and services? or is the "people church" about people? Our goal as a "church" is to bring more people to our services so we can be self-supported? or our goal is to bring more people to Christ even if they never come to our "church building"? I taught the other day about church being the community of believers, so it doesn't matter were you at, the church is there: at the park, at the swimming pool, at the bar, or a restaurant. Church is everywhere were community is happening. I have seen also a lot of organizations concentrating on buildings, yesterday a friend of mine told me that we should put signs outside of big churches that says" is not about a building, but about lives". Why do we have to pay so much money to rent a place to be able to meet only for Sunday morning? If we are not about Sunday and programs but about people......... What do you think?

Even if is messy

2007-08-15T17:55:00.001-05:00

I want to post the story I read from an excellent book. If you have the opportunity to read it, go and buy it because it will help you so much in the search of true spirituality. Posers, Fakers and Wannabes (unmasking the real you) by Brennan Manning. (Story by Jim Hancock, Pgs 10-15)

“I first took advice from the Poser when I was faking my way through junior high. I wanted to fit in. I was afraid of being left out. The Poser helped me appear better than I was (or worse if worse was better). He helped me conceal the truth from people I thought might judge me as harshly as I judge me. I kept taking his advice because, mostly, it worked. The Poser is the man of a thousands faces. He taught me how to construct a mask for any occasion from whatever I found lying around. With my musical friends I was all about whatever music they liked. For my jock friends I was brooding and barely verbal. When I got with small kids I bluffed my way through by recalling trivia and making up stuff (wait a minute…I think I still do that!!) With the Poser’s help I managed to hold my own into high school, but it was hard, exhausting work. I went to church (spiritual face). I hung out with friends (wise face), I went out a little (sincere face). So many disguises, so little fun, playing all the roles without knowing who I was. Or if I was anyone at all.

I was on an impossible quest searching for my identity in the yes of other people. Some of them I admired too much because, as my friend Michael Yaconelli says, I judge what I knew about me by what I didn’t know about them. I feared some of them because they were power brokers who could make or break a person’s social status on a whim. I played to all of them. I didn’t know what else to do.

The eleven grade was a blur of happy feelings and good times. And I really was becoming a better person—treating people better and taking responsibility. What’s more, I felt more authentically spiritual than ever; sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night to pray and write in my notebook and the drift off happily to sleep again. It was wonderful.

Until I started faking it.

I asked around my hometown ad met someone who claimed to be a Christian like me. He seems like a good guy and we agreed to study the Bible together. We added another guy and another, the a couple more and we had ourselves a small group. It was good! I’d never studied the Bible on my own, and what we were up to seem alive and real in a way nothing ever had.

It wasn’t long before some good-hearted adults started to coaching me in a three-step outline for telling people about my new faith

I. My life before I met Christ

II. How I met Chris

III. My life after meeting Christ

What could be simpler, clearer, more honest and direct that that? Well, for one thing, the truth about step III: my life after meeting Christ. Six months down the road I would certainly have gotten a much improved on my spiritual report card. Not true really!!

That’s when the Poser checked back in. I was already on record with my friends and family that EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED! And it was too late to turn back; he suggested I should maybe dance around the actual facts of my experience to keep people from being confused and disappointed.

And that’s what I did for….I don’t know….twenty years. I was a peer leader, then a card-carrying youth pastor in those twenty years. I became a husband and a father. I spoke at retreats and created resources for youth workers. And I’m proud to report, with the competent assistance of The Poser, I made it work, mostly. I’ve been advised by The Poser to inform you that, unlike Brennan Manning, who will admit he is an alcoholic, sober by the grace of God. I’ve never been drunk, never smoked, never slept with anyone but my wife, never cheated on a test, and never shoplifted. You can see my record is quite clear right?

Uh….not exactly. All those statements are factually correct without being true at all because I’ve never been tempted to do those things. I haven’t been drunk or smoked, but I have been dangerously overweight because I’m constantly tempted to eat when I’m in pain or doubt or angry or sad—or, for that matter, happy. Food is my drug of choice (legal, cheap and readily available). I’ve never slept with anyone but my wife, but I’ve still lusty and sexually compulsive, and I’ tempted everyday to return to that behavior. I’ve never cheated on a test, but I’m constantly tempted to lie so people will think better of me.

Right now The Poser is very unhappy with me. He doesn’t like it when I talk this way. He is still afraid of the truth, afraid you will put down the book and ask for your money back because why in the world would anybody read a book by a sober drunk and barely recovering fake?

Brennan and I have agreed to tell The Poser to mind his own business while we set the record straight on a few things. Because we’re sick of being posers, fakers, and wannabes and. More than anything, we want to live what we most truly are—Abba’s children”

There is only one cure to Pretending and is call Realness.

If you think I am a Christian because I am perfect, I never lie; I shouldn’t drink, dance or curse. If you think I am a Christian because I go to church every Sunday, I am a pastor, I am youth pastor, I sing in the Choir. Then I don’t want to be the kind of Christian you want me to be. I don’t want to be The Poser, or the Pretender. I want to be real, to know that my life is a mess, my spirituality some times doesn’t look good, I don’t read the Bible as I should, I barely pray every week but as anybody else I need God.

Because I don’t want to pretend what I am not, but I want to show who I am.

Even if is messy.

Engagement Ring

2007-08-03T12:57:00.001-05:00

I was reading the post of a friend that was recently engaged. The way she described is a complete narration that takes you to the moment the future groom kneels down ans ask the "would you marry me?" question. Trhough reading that short story I can really see the gift Joanna has for writing; but at the same time her words make me think about my groom. Yes!! my groom who also takes me to the lake and speak soft and loving words to me. The one who invites me to go with Him and surrounds my life with his life. The one who prepares a whole and beautiful setting for me to fall in love continuously. My groom, my Christ. I know I am loved by Him and I know He is preparing a great ceremony for us; but sometimes I would love to experience it. To really feel Christ hands taking me to a place of contemplation; where I can recieve His ring on my hand and trhough the Cross speak to my heart saying: "You are mine". And the same way a tear came out from Joanna's, to come out a tear of joy from my eyes listening to the words of Christ. Oh Jesus, help me to fall in love with you!

Notorious Sinners

2007-08-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

Michael Yaconelli in his book messy spiritualy talks about a group of people that they call themselves "Notorious Sinners" because they are unafraid to admit their flaws, unintimidated by Christians who deny their own messiness, these guys sometimes look like pagans and other times look like Jesus. They are spiritual troublemakers, really, which is why they look like Jesus (whowas always causing troube himself)" (pg 16)

What a great truth about the notorious sinner group! again I am thinking about the First Church of the Pharisees that a friend told me we should call our church. I am truly a mess and my spirituality like Yaconelly says, "is complex, complicated and perplexing--the disorderly, sloppy, chaotic look of aunthentic faith in the real world"(Messy Spirituality, pag 17).

Living for Christ is the most challenging life we can have, I have no doubt about it. But living as a messy, flawness, imperfect, human being in perfect Christian subculture is another challenge we need to overcome.

Soccer and Spain

2007-07-31T08:08:00.000-05:00

Well, the family where Diego is staying found a good soccer league here in Cookeville for him to play. They haven't played one single game and Diego is already the start of the team. Everybody is talking about this foreign student and his great talent. The other day in one of the parent's meeting the leading dad said, "we have a new player, he is an exchange student from Spain. He is a truly Spaniard from Spain"(He was referring to Diego). It is funny because a lot of people think we don't look Mexicans, and my answer always will be, How a Mexican needs to look like, to look like a Mexican?
We are people of stereotypes; we want people to look the way we think they should look, or to act the way we think they should act. I know we do it unconsciousness, but our stereotypes can hindering the way we relate with others. For example, if you know the Lord, you should behave in a way you are example for others, right? I will say, according to whom? If I am a heavy metal skateboard dude!, do I need to behave the way a business man does? Even when we think about skateboard dudes we think about heavy metal; but I am pretty sure there are skateboarders that like classical music, don't you think so?
"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God."(Romans 12) Don't you think we have created a Christian Sub-culture? How a Christian needs to look like, to look like a Christian?(or to act, or to talk, or to behave) We even have norms about how a Church needs to be. I think is because we have been taught this way and sometimes we don't know another way. We want to do "church" differently and we ended up doing church the same way but just with minor changes. It is like going back to the whole expectation subject. We have certain expectations from people and when they don't meet our expectations we get upset and frustrated.

Back to Diego's Story, now we have so much fun teasing him. We say he is from Spain so we call him "Venancio". And by the way I think he will play with a league from Knoxville so we will be traveling to watching play. I am happy he is here because that will give an opportunity to get to know him more and to connect to one of my nephews.......y que Viva Mexico!

Family is Here

2007-07-25T17:47:00.000-05:00

My sister and her children came to visit from Mexico. It is good to have family around us and being able to talk and share our lives. She is the one next to me, but still 7 years older. Her son Diego (in the picture and now 13 years old) is staying and live with an American family to improve his English. He is a very good soccer player, but I don't know if there is a good soccer league here in Cookeville for Diego to keep improving in his soccer skills. My illness is getting better, but still my eye doesn't want to close. Paula working a lot, but I mean a lot. She is working full time in a place call Identity Group, a company that makes all rubber stamps and signs for Staples and Office Max Nation Wide and Puerto Rico. Paula works at the Costumer Service area. Plus she is doing some translation to the Upper Room.

Connection Fellowship has been established as a missional congregation and we are now looking for our own place to meet. We were thinking to really become a church without walls. Let's see what happened.

This is what counts

2007-07-22T09:41:00.000-05:00

When my ego is crushed I usually react with anger or trying to defend myslef or the ministry I am doing. Why? It seems that somebody else has hurt something inside of me and when this happens I react to that pain. It is alomost like an action-reaction response; and you know what? I don't like it at all!! This is not the example Christ is teaching me, even though he also got upset and confronted people, but when he was taken to Calvary, he just went without a word.
My problem is when I want to do "church" out of the things I don't like about "organized church" mos of the times I endeded up doing the same old same because it is the only thing I know. When I try to change something because somebody else is not ok with it.

A lot of people right now is worry that Connection Fellowship won't have a place to meet or not enough money to survive. Again I ask myself, Where in The Word says that we need a building? and Where is the faith to move mountains?. Can we have corporate worship in the living room of my house? or in the backyard of somebody else? Why do we have to do "church" on Sunday anyway?
"If you are treated badly for good behavior and continue in spite of it to be a good servant, that is what counts with God. This is the kind of live you've been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step"(1st Peter 2:18-215)

I need to remember that I am here because of Christ, to serve him and learn from him and hopefully trhoughout my broken and flawless life I can reflect the life of Christ to others. He suffered everything so I could kno how to do it, step-by step.

When the church doesn't make sense?

2007-07-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

I am wondering if the church as we know it now is making any sense. Why do we have to concentrate so much on Sunday mornings if the "church" is not only Sunday mornings? Why we need to concentrate so much on bringing people to a service if the Church is not a place? Why we need to worry so much if we are self supported instead of supporting each other? Why we need to concentrate in our credentials before the denomination if people outside of our churches are not looking for credentials but for sincere, real and honest love? Why we need to care if we are fellowship, a charter church, a community if the church is not an institution? or is it? Isn't the church the Body of Christ? isn't the Church the people? If I go to a bar and meet with a group of people, am I at church? What if instead of Sunday services we have weekly meals together? is that church also?. Today while having coffee with a dear friend, he shared with me that we should start a place call "The First Church of the Pharisees" , I though it was pretty funny because then if they call us hypocrites thats ok!! we are pharisees, but if we don't have any name at all! If they ask us what is your denomination? "well, I don't know we are no-non-denomination, or just people. If they ask us, so when are your services? "Any time, we just wait for an invitation to share a meal together" are you traditional or contemporary? "well we are non-traditional and non-contemporary, that's is so relative because if I was raised in a traditional church everything new is contemporary; but if I was raised in a contemporary church everything traditional is new. Who cares if you are or if you are not!!! I think what we know as church today sometimes doesn't make sense.......
Henry Nouwen said

"The challenge is to forgive the Church. This challenge is especially great because the Church seldom asks us for forgiveness, at least not officially. But the Church as an often fallible human organization needs our forgiveness, while the Church as the living Christ among us continues to offer us forgiveness. It is important to think about the Church not as "over there" but as a community of struggling, weak people of whom we are part and in whom we meet our Lord and Redeemer."

What do you want to see?

2007-07-17T11:16:00.000-05:00

If you were to start a new church, what do you think people (outside the church) may want to see in this new place? and what would you like to see?

Not an Indifferent Bystander

2007-07-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

"..For God is not an indifferent bystander. He is actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to be burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is fire" (Hebrews 12) Sometimes I wonder if God is there, sometimes He seems pretty silence, sometimes there are no words comming from Him, and because of this I feel like He is kind of indifferent to me. I am on my fifth week with my face still paralized, but this time has given me a lot of time to think, to re-think and to see my life in all perspectives. I have seen the thorn I still carry with me, the thorn that remainded me that only through His grace I can be. I have seen my emptyness if I don't have Him.I have realized that my fulfilment doesn't come from anything but Him. But sometimes, somedays, some moments , my humanity feels His abscense , like an indifferent bystander who doesn't care at all about what's going on inside of me. But maybe I feel that way, but God is there actively cleaning the house and in that same Scripture says that He is educating us, so that's why we must never drop out. I know He is there......but ironicly eventhough I feel like that with God, I can easily be an indifferent bystander to the needs of others. Yes I am ill, but there are many others going through more difficult times. I want to be like the prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi:

Make me a channel of your peace,

Where there is hatred let me bring your love,

Where there is injury your pardon Lord,

And where there's doubt true faith in you.

Lord grant that I may never seek,

So much to be consoled as to console,

To be understood; as to understand,

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

How easily can we become indifferent bystanders to others?

kind of weird?

2007-07-10T09:25:00.001-05:00

34 days and my face still paralyzed!! Well my mouth is getting a little better, or may be I am getting used to talk with half of my mouth. Some days are extremely good, others are just hard. The medicine I am taking (steroids)has messed up my sleeping pattern. Some nights I can rest with no problems at all, other nights I am awake all night. The good thing about all these is that I have had a lot of time to read (until my eyes starts watering the I need to stop and rest). Connection Fellowship is going through summer. This is the first summer that the attendance to Sunday gatherings went down, but because I am dealing with this illness, I have decided to relax and get ready for the fall. I have been reading Hebrews and a couple days ago I read this, "Because he honored God, God answered him though he was God's son, he learned thrusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do" (Hebrews 5). Do I came to Him to learn trusting-obedience through suffering?

Knowing Him

2007-06-28T21:31:00.000-05:00

I don't want to sound "cheese", but to be real I have to keep reminded myself why in the world I am doing serving Christ? Today while reading my life journal (daily devotional) I read this: "I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all of the way with him to death itself"(words from Paul to the Philippians. Ch 3, Vrs 10-11. The Message). I have found a personal intimacy with Christ through my daily living, not exactly through Sunday services. For the first time in 17 years I have been trying to know Him, I feel totally relax about my relationship with Him, because is just between each other. It is not anymore about knowing him through the "organized church", it is not the Christ somebody else taught me; it is the Christ I have always wanted to know. The Christ of the Cross I used to see every Friday night when Father Christian Jean spoke about him with so intensity that I wanted to know him more. The Christ of the Eucharistic, the Christ who invites me to his table to seat and eat with him. Through Him and the power of His resurrection I have known my Abba. The true merciful and graceful Abba who has accepted me the way I am with my weakness and flawless, and who still believes in me. Someone I can run and extend my arms and shout: daddy!! daddy!!........you know I am looking forward for that moment when I get home and I can embrace my Heavenly Father. .....and with all these words I can say that I have given up everything else to have my life fulfilled....and that's why serving Him is worth every single thing.....YES, He is worth every single moment!!!

What is Christ for you?............not church, not your denomination, not the small group, not Sunday services, not your Christian friends, not the worship band, not even all the involvement you have at your local church, congregation or fellowship...nop!! Just Christ.

Time of Sabbath

2007-06-28T17:17:00.001-05:00

Almost tree weeks and my face is still paralyzed . This time has been a time of true Sabbath and has given me plenty of time to think, pray, think again, and pray again. Paula started to work for the first time after 8 years serving in the ministry together as missionaries. It is her first USA job and she was very excited. I am excited also because we have gone through so much difficult time together plus all the tension of ministry. you know!! two people frustrated over ministry was not good at all!! So I am so happy she went back to work for her own sake and mental health.....by the way we have decided to go head with an adoption agency to help us adopt our future children. Connection Fellowship is going to major changes, major faith steps and major decisions. I have always say that we are a living organism and because we live, we are in constant change. By the way all the moth of July I won't be teaching at Connection, waiting for my mouth to come back to normal.

A Question....Una pregunta

2007-06-19T09:44:00.000-05:00

IS IT WORTH IT?

¿VALE LA PENA?

Don't loose Hope

2007-06-17T07:10:00.001-05:00

I have been diagnosed with Ramsay Hunt Syndrome and half of my face still after 11 days is paralyzed. The pain is most of the time gone if I take the pain killers they gave me. I started to develop vertigo and that is something you don't want to experience because I feel like I just went through a couple of rides in the local fair and the world around me moves in all directions. Because of my eye is always open I have to used a patched to protect it, but then I can not drive and do much with it. Paula has been a great and sweet nurse, she is just so precious as a person and I am so glad she is is my wife and best friend. This time seating at my house and listening to so much classical music has given me a lot of moments to thank God about life and everything He has done for us. I am thankful that I got ill because that has helped me to make a stop in my life and just appreciate it. Every minute, every hour, every moment. 11 days ago I was loosing hope and believe me I was loosing my own dreams. Now I have felt that in the midst of these moments the Lord, my Abba, has told me, "Miguel I haven't forgot your dream, please don't you". This week I saw The Never Ending Story and this scene is one of my favorites, the sound is not very good but listen to what the wolf has to say to Atreyu about loosing hope. "Do you think is easy to loose our hope and dreams?

Struck by.....

2007-06-13T11:44:00.000-05:00

In bed with my right side of my face completely paralyzed because a virus attacked my facial nerves. What else God has for me? what do you think? I cannot read, I cannot keep my eye close, I talk funny, on excessive pain killers and drugs and on observation for two weeks. The American pastor of Connection has been pulled out from us, we have become a Fellowship, we are planning our second service in English without pastors (one is sick, one will be gone)....Lord!!! please tell me what is going on? by the way Paula is looking for a job she needs a break for ministry please pray she can find the right one for her.

Scriptural Blidness

2007-06-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

While I try to become not only a reader but a seeker of Abba's Word, I come across a lot of Scriptures that leave me in state of aweness. (if this word really exists!, I dunno, if not I have invented) When I talked about "a state of aweness" in my poorly English vocabulary, I am referring about a state of wonder, a place where the only thing you can do is to have your mouth wide open and stayed there in awe trying to assimilate the meaning of those words. Then I realized that some days, maybe, most of the days I suffer from Scriptural blindness and unless the Holy Spirit knocks at my mind I can not see what I am reading, even worst I can not even do what I read; of course if I can not see what I read, in consequence I can no do it at all. Let me try to explain what I just said, I read this afternoon after church Romans 12:3b from the message "The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him". -HELLO!! is somebody there? I will say this to my unlimited brain because how many times I have read Romans 12...oh my gosh!!! I don't know...many. And how many times I translated this word into my daily life? am I Scriptural Blind? or Scriptural stupid? Gandhi used to say, "Be the change you wish to see in the world" I will say, "be the change you read in the Word".

When marriage is something more than....

2007-06-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

The relationship that I have with Paula has become more than just a married couple, it has been more than just 11 years together, it's been more than sharing a third of our lives, it's been more than two people coming together and be one. We have been able to to relay completely in Abba making all our fulfillment in Him, Letting all our expectations to be on Him, and just seat by Him listening....Today it has been 11 years together...Oh I am glad we stayed together after all the confusion, hurt, desolation, false expectations, etc, etc. We are together because we believe Abba is really taking care of us. Paula is the only person I can be truly myself with, I laugh so much and also get hurt. But I am so thankful she is the one God chose for me to share this adventure called life....together. The impossible became possible.

A BREAK

2007-05-30T19:20:00.001-05:00

NOT POSTING FOR A WHILE....TAKING A BREAK!!!! FROM WHAT? I DON'T KNOW

On the way!!

2007-05-17T18:57:00.000-05:00

Just after posting my last comment I started to read my "Life Journal" This is one of the Scriptures: 2nd Thessalonian 1:5 "All this trouble is a clear sign that God has decided to make you fit for the kingdom. You're suffering now, but justice is on the way".......strange right?

Strenght

2007-05-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

My sister called telling me dad was taken to the hospital. Then my brother called me to let me know that dad is very weak and I should travel to Mexico. Six years without being able to leave this country! Lord, is this worth it? am I making the difference in the lives of people?......please Lord what else, what else do you have in mind?...................because some times I don't get it.

Gift Card....

2007-05-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

During the year we celebrate so many birthdays at Connection, and the more the congregation grows the more presents Paula and I need to buy. We have guys presents that are more difficult to buy, girls are very easy, children are the easiest. But because of the amount of celebrations we could easily spend a lot of our income buying presents. I don't like to give a present just because I need to give one. I like to think about the person and buy what I think this person would like. But to be honest, lately I have bought the cheapest thing I can find or just get the most wonderful invention of the century: the gift card. This card is so easy because you can get it everywhere, from the local Mexican restaurant or a any other store you may think. I believe this is a cheap way to buy a birthday present but the more convenient. It is convenient because I don't have to sacrifice a lot of "my time" to find the perfect gift for that specific person.

I wonder what I am giving to God that is not a sacrifice. Is my service to Him just something comfortable for me to give or it is requiring me a costly price? am I giving our of my convenience? King David faced this when Araunah offered him a free ox for his burnt offering to God, he responded, "No. I've got to buy it from you for a good price; I am not going to offer God, my God, sacrifices that are not sacrifice"(2 Samuel 24:25)

How costly has been my sacrifice to the Lord? has it? or do I still give Him what I have left to give? This is my thought for today, that by the way is my b'day, (just 37 years old). What kind of sacrifice am I giving to Abba? One that takes away my time, strength, soul and mind or just a gift card? Sometimes I can say that I like to give God a "heavenly gift card" then he can just get what He needs from me and.....that's it!!! very convenient right?

Thoughts

2007-05-13T08:34:00.000-05:00

Everything went really good in my dad's surgery, but still all the week my heart was not here in Cookeville. It has been more then 6 years since the first time I touched American soul and I haven't go back to visit Mexico. Anyway Matthew 19:28-30 says, "anyone who sacrifices home,family, fields-whatever-because of me will get it all back a hundred times over".

About church I don't know what to say, sometimes I feel the people is excited about what the Lord is doing, sometimes I feel they are afraid of "stepping on faith" and believe God can do even greater things. I still feel stuck and I don't know how to leave that!!!

We are still looking for a worship leader with the heart to worship, but at the same time with a desire to teach others about it........an area we have battle since the beginning.

The price to follow Christ

2007-05-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

One year ago we went to the hardest times ever in our marriage relationship, four months later we lost "Alex" our miracle adoptive son we received on December 24th after 10 years of been waiting for him. Today only four months later I found myself again with a broken heart, my father whom I loved dearly is going through a couple of very difficult surgeries; all my brothers and sisters are beside him (some flown from USA and others from all over Mexico) and because I am serving Christ in this Country waiting for my permanent residence I can not leave. I haven't been able to leave for six years.

Even though I have a family here at Connection, I prayed so much for this time not to come before I get my proper documents to travel outside of USA.

I am listening one of Father's favorite Beethoven's Concerts, the piano concerto No 5 and I can just close my eyes and listen to his voice telling me about the beauty of this concert. The strength and calmness from one movement to another. I can see my father feeling the music deep inside his soul ,specially the softness and sweetness of the second movement when the piano starts to play. Classical music is what joins me with my father even 3000 miles away. I really would like to be with him.

Diving from the pulpit/un clavado desde el pulpito.....

2007-05-01T20:44:00.000-05:00

I was faced with a very unusual event this past weekend. I was trying to be nice with other Hispanic congregations in town so I agreed to host one of the events they were organizing as a way to try to unite our congregation. Since the beginning I was a little hesitant because I didn't know anything about the guest speaker, but after the pastor assured me that he was coming to teach about the Word. I let them use the building. I came to listen to him Saturday morning and I was in awe after listening a couple of minutes.
I love to talk about intimacy with Christ, about finding ourselves through the passionate live of Jesus; I am a seeker of deeper waters, but what I hear on that morning was full criticism, judgment and raw comments about everybody else except the person speaking. Everything was about what everybody is doing wrong; and the most shocking for me was that people were believing his words as the only true. While doing our "life journal"(daily devotional) my wife told me to read the Scripture for that specific Saturday: "You cancel God's command by your rules. Frauds! Isaiah's prophecy of you hit the bull's-eye: These people make a big show of saying the right thing, but their heart isn't in it. They act like they're worshiping me, but they don't mean it. They just use me as a cover or teaching whatever suits their fancy." (Matthew 15)
I desired more intimacy with Abba. Wow! that was an experience................

I am craving for soul time with God, not to find out who is right or wrong. At the end because I didn't agreed with the guest speaker I became part of the ones out of his truth...........ironically.

Tuve un encuentro un poco peculiar este fin de semana pasado. En mi afán de ser buena persona con otras congregaciones cristianas, accedí a prestar las instalaciones de la iglesia para que ser hicierá un evento que una iglesia local tendría. Todo con el fin de fomentar la unidad. Desde el principio yo estaba un poco dudoso ya que no conocía al invitado, pero cuando el pastor me aseguro que esa persona venía a enseñar la Palabra pues como que me sentí mas agusto. Así que les deje usar el edificio. El sábado por la mañana asistí a una reunión de lideres. Me quede con la boca abierta después de haber escuchado solo unos pocos minutos de su plática.

A mi me gusta mucho enseñar acerca de la intimidad con Cristo, me gusta hablar acerca de poder encontrarnos a nosotros mismos a través de la vida tan apasionada de Cristo; soy un buscador de aguas profundas. Pero lo que escuche esa mañana no se parecía absolutamente nada a una buena enseñanza que me ayuadará a anhelar esas aguas. Lo que escuche estaba lleno de criticas, juicios y comentarios crudos de todas las demás personas, de los demás ministeriosñ claro sin considerarse él mismo. Todas sus palabras, mezcladas con versículos, eran acerca de todo lo malo que los demás estaban haciendo. Lo que más me sorprendio es como la gente que escuchaba lo estaba recibiendo como la única verdad. Miesntras hacía mi "Diario de vida"(nuestro devocional) mi esposa me dijo que leyera la escritura de ese día: "Ustedes no hacen caso de los mandamientos de Dios, con tal de seguir sus propias costumbres. ¡Son unos hipócritas! Dios tenía razón cuando dijo por medio del profeta Isaías:
"Este pueblo dice que me obedece,
pero en verdad nunca piensa en mí.
De nada sirve que ustedes me alaben,
pues inventan reglas
y luego las enseñan
diciendo que yo las ordené".(Mateo 15)
Yo deseo más intimidad con Abba. Ijoles! eso si que fué una experiencia.......

Yo anhelo un tiempo de comunión con Dios, no ver quien esta mal y quien no. Al final y solo porque no estuve deacuerdo con las opiniones de este invitado pase a ser parte de los que estaban fuera de su verdad, de los criticados.......irónicamente