Not an Indifferent Bystander

"..For God is not an indifferent bystander. He is actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to be burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is fire" (Hebrews 12) Sometimes I wonder if God is there, sometimes He seems pretty silence, sometimes there are no words comming from Him, and because of this I feel like He is kind of indifferent to me. I am on my fifth week with my face still paralized, but this time has given me a lot of time to think, to re-think and to see my life in all perspectives. I have seen the thorn I still carry with me, the thorn that remainded me that only through His grace I can be. I have seen my emptyness if I don't have Him.I have realized that my fulfilment doesn't come from anything but Him. But sometimes, somedays, some moments , my humanity feels His abscense , like an indifferent bystander who doesn't care at all about what's going on inside of me. But maybe I feel that way, but God is there actively cleaning the house and in that same Scripture says that He is educating us, so that's why we must never drop out. I know He is there......but ironicly eventhough I feel like that with God, I can easily be an indifferent bystander to the needs of others. Yes I am ill, but there are many others going through more difficult times. I want to be like the prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi:

Make me a channel of your peace,

Where there is hatred let me bring your love,

Where there is injury your pardon Lord,

And where there's doubt true faith in you.

Lord grant that I may never seek,

So much to be consoled as to console,

To be understood; as to understand,

To be loved as to love with all my soul.

How easily can we become indifferent bystanders to others?