Two days ago a leader from the United Methodist Church called me to see if he could come and spend a couple of hours with me. You know I think I have passed the limit of burnout and my leadership hasn't help a lot. So when I received this call I was going to say, "no thank you", but I am not a person who can easily say that kind of responses. Joaquin Garcia came to visit me and of course my good friend John Purdue was with him. What surprised me the most was not for Joaquin to come and visit me, but for him to come and listen. He didn't came to give me an advice, he didn't come to tell me what I was doing wrong; he came to listen. Yeah! that's right, he came just to listen. Let me tell you, I talked and talked but I decided not to cry, why? because I have cried so much that, to be honest, my prideful spirit stop me to do so. Why am I so discouraged and frustrated? why do I feel that I haven't done anything? why do I feel there are not fruits to the ministry we are doing?....I am tired of feeling this way, and for the first time I have accepted that may be my future is not serving as a pastor. The bureaucracy of the church has drained the passion of my spirit and I don't want to end my life waiting for the be retired and frustrated and empty.
My fulfillment in Christ doesn't come from making sure I have a position at the church, or investing my life on studying a Master in Divinity. I have realized that I can be in ministry as I study in the University and I don't have to grow the church, because we are the church.
1 comment:
Miguel,
None of us know our future. That is only for God to know. It is up to us to have faith in His plan and in His ability to let us know which direction to go in our lives to make His plan work. Along the way, we are ministering to others just by living our lives and As someone whose life you affect just by being in it, I thank you for following your heart and your passion and am saddened to hear you feeling that you've lost those two things. You are doing God's work just by being Miguel and if there is one thing you can do better than anyone else, it is to be Miguel. Hang in there, we all have moments of desparation, and it is hard when those moments turn into hours or days or weeks...but when we reach the end of our rope that is when God reaches out and grasps our hand. Watch for the hand.
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